Do you remember as a child sitting down to color with a big box full of crayons? Even now as an adult it’s still relaxing. To be honest I may have my own coloring book, the big boy version of course.
I look back upon my childhood and remember the times I would sit down to color with a big box of crayons. I’d go from digging through the box looking for the fullest and sharpest crayon to dumping it out completely onto the floor. I’d search through the pile of broken and generously used crayons. Reluctantly I’d pick up the reminisce of a worn down and broken crayon and begin to color.
I never put much thought into how wonderfully and beautifully the crayon still worked. Though it had been snapped in half and worn down to a half inch piece I was still able to use it to create a beautiful picture.
The world we are in is not always the nicest or greatest. On occasion an event is going to happen and it will break us. While we feel broken and useless, we need to remind ourselves how useful we really still are.
It’s December now and it marks two years since everything happened. It hurt so much because it was right around the Holiday Season. Despite being surround by a loving family I felt so alone in it all. The pain has been showing its ugly head recently. I quietly pray to God asking what the point of all this is and what is He doing. Looking back on my relationship, I remember how for the first time I felt that my line of work had a true purpose. I was doing something for someone who meant (still does) the world to me. I wanted to make the world a better place, no matter how small the impact, for them.
I have to remind myself of the reason I started to write. It wasn’t just to heal the brokenness of my relationships ending. It was to tell my story. Knowing that somewhere, someone is either going through what I am or they are about to go through it. I didn’t want them to feel alone like I did. Every time I’ve sat down to write I’ve drawn a blank. Nothing comes to mind. I’ve become so frustrated with it.
This is going to be my first piece in nearly three months. Mostly because I haven’t felt the writing bug. Also because I still feel broken. From all that has happened to me in the past. I’ve written a bit (okay, more than a bit) on how I’ve been rejected and pushed away. It all just broke me. I felt like that broken crayon that gets rejected.
How can God work through a broken person?
During all this I looked through a bible app that I have on my phone called, YouVersion. It’s an app filled with different plans that focus on a verity of topics. I found one called “Broken Crayons Still Color” by Shelley HItz. Which inspired the title of this piece.
In her plan Shelley talks about her own brokenness. How she felt there was no way for God to work through her to help others.
Now that I look at it and think of all the people we read about in the Bible and what Jesus and God did with them I have to ask, who wasn’t broken in one way or another?
We all at one point in our lives will become broken. We’ll feel like the rejected crayon that no one wants to color with. There still is one person who wants to color with us.
I may be broken I wont stay that way. Because God is working through my brokenness to help others. To write pieces like what this one.
“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” Mathew 5:14-16
We should turn our brokenness into our light. Let it be shown. It’s an opportunity to allow God to work through us to help and reach others. In doing so we can and will heal.
To you I hope that this Holiday Season, you can find your light and God’s light. Let wounds heal.
God Bless and Positive Vibes
P.S. Thank You Shelley for allowing me to title this “Broken Crayons”
Check her webpage out and find her on YouVersion.