I think I wrote 4 or 5 blogs this month. I kept deleting them because my mind has been going non stop. I couldn’t complete a post because I couldn’t think it through. I didn’t realize that my main stuggle was right in front of my face.
I don’t make time for myself.
My life is worked around the schedule of my jobs, the schedule of my work outs, the schedule of my boyfriend’s schedule, the schedule of other people in general. Everything is about: what time I need to be somewhere, how long I have before I need to go somewhere else, or what I need to try to get done for the day. I am always running out of time. I am constantly in a rush and it does not stop.
I have a ton of goals. I have so much work to do in order to keep achieving each goal. I continue to make a choice to work 65-75 hours a week. I make that choice to fill all of my spare time (sometimes double booking myself) with my boyfriend, my family, or in a gym. Today it finally clicked: I need to calm down.
The last few weeks have been filled with anxiety for me. It cause my mood and motivation to change. I felt like I wanted to scream. My mind and body just wanted to shut down everyday.
I am sitting here on my couch, in pajamas, in silence, and it has been the most relaxing moment in my entire week. I have laundry to do, I have food to make, I have cleaning to do, I should have worked out..so on and so on. There are so many things I need to do and it never stops.
I think I have come to the conclusion that what I need to do above anything on that list is what I am doing right now. I need to let my mind and body take a break before heading back into the next crazy week. I need to be able to tell when I have had enough. I need to remember that no matter what is on that list, it will mean nothing if I am unhappy. No matter how crazy my life gets, I need to make time for myself.