Society tells us to be whatever we want to be and do whatever we want to do, within limits. But, does it ever tell us what to do when we worry too much? Does it ever tell us what to do when we worry ourselves sick?
No one ever really warns you that, sometimes — just sometimes; life gets hard. And, in those hard times, it can be difficult to hold it all together. It’s very easy in those struggles to spiral down a dark path — bad thoughts, letting yourself go, wallowing, overthinking, easily ticked off. No one ever really tells you that once in a while, you’ll get a thought and you may take it to an extreme.
What’s that mean? Are they talking about me? I must have made them mad. I’m such an idiot.
However, people need to tell you that it is okay, and you’re not an idiot. Maybe you made that person mad, but there is a chance that you didn’t. Maybe, just maybe, you’re worrying yourself. And if you continue to sulk and worry, you’ll wind up driving yourself nuts. People don’t say these things; Or, maybe they do and quite possibly it’s just never been said to me.
I’ve always been a worrier; to the point where I would be on the verge of giving up — throwing in the towel and calling it quits.
I’m not strong enough. I can’t make it. I’m not worth it.
These are lies I would tell myself, and you know what? I almost believed it. It would literally make me sick to my stomach, where I would call off work because I just could not muscle up the energy to get out of bed and go about my day. No one ever told me that it would have to be me to pull myself through those difficult moments. No one told me that I would need to make the change.
No one told me these things, so let me be the one to tell you: It’s tough to snap out of it, and learn to kick negative thoughts and habits in the ass. It knocks you down a few times just when you think you’ve made it through. But, every time those negative thoughts and habits knock you down, use that as fuel to jump right back up. Use it as motivation to get yourself to where you want to be.
That’s what I needed to do, and it took me quite some time to get to this point. It became too much to succumb to the hate. It became unbearable to just “give in”. I knew that’s not where I needed to be. I knew I was a hell of a lot stronger than I gave myself credit for. I find myself still struggling from time to time. But, that is all a part of the journey of healing and growing into the best person you can possibly be.