Wednesday, June 27th
More recently I have been actively trying to take a g i a n t step back. I have been moving so quickly through my life that I didn’t even realize I was actually missing it. By “missing it” I mean moving so fast and making such quick decisions that I wasn’t even thinking about the consequences – good or bad. I was just zooming on by and facing whatever was thrown my way, never to glance back to see what lessons I could have picked up along the way. It took a few, not a couple – a few –recent life happenings to make me realize I was moving way too quickly. I needed to put on the brakes, get out of the vehicle of life, and just breathe.
I’ve really been moving too quickly. I’ve been quick with my word. I’ve been quick to anger. I’ve been quick while driving. I’ve been quick with tasks. I’ve been quick with my money. I’ve been quick with alcohol. I’ve been quick with relationships. Everything has been so quick that I haven’t taken a real moment to stop and reflect on my actions or my choices. This hit me hard yesterday when it felt like the weight of the world was literally upon my shoulders and I could barely lift myself up from the ground. I forgot how to breathe. I started suffocating on every choice I had made to date. I couldn’t take in enough air to remember to keep my head high. I felt so low that for a little while I actually believed I didn’t deserve happiness or hope or the opportunity to make the necessary changes to become a better version of myself.
Let me stop – or at least slow down – and take a moment to be 117% honest: I am still in the middle of trying to figure out how to truly slow down, but this still felt important to share with you today.
What I have begun to learn by stepping on the brakes a little is that it is important to stop rushing and complicating things that need time to breathe and grow. The point of life is to be alive. Who you are – what you are – is enough. Life has a weird and sometimes funny way of working itself out – even when it doesn’t feel like any of what is happening makes sense. [Please, trust the process. It will be worth it.]
If you’re still reading, please know it is never too late to realize or admit that you do not have it all figured out. You are not a bad person for not having all the answers. You are not in the wrong for not knowing how to handle your life at certain points. You are human for feeling like you’re falling apart. I promise you: Everything is going to be okay.
A few friendly reminders: You are strong enough to start making choices for you. You are still the only person that has to wake up with every decision you’ve madein 5 years. You are the face you will see looking back when you look in the mirror. You are the one person you have to make proud.
Your words have weight. Your actions are leaving marks all over the people, places, and things around you.
This is your journey. This is your story. You are living, breathing, and experiencing everything you are supposed to be. You don’t like it? Start over. Burn it down to the ground. Rebuild. Learn new skills. Become stronger. Be better. Resurrect your life. You have that power because you are in control.
And lastly: don’t forget to breathe.
Peace signs and positive vibes,