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I Am Slowly Learning To Choose Freedom From Insecurity

I am insecure.

I stand in front of the mirror, allowing my perceived flaws to envelop me until they consume me, snuffing out any lingering vestiges of confidence.

I wrack my mind for every conceivable instance in which I’ve fallen short — the unforgettable, humiliating moments that made my cheeks flush red, the days I walked with my head hung low as I ruminated over my failures, the times I fervently believed that expressing emotion is a telltale sign of weakness.

I believe that perhaps, the world is engaged in a dance of deceit, a swaying, measured tango with my precarious grasp on my capabilities.  Nothing can compel me to fully understand that I am capable, worthy, or deserving.

But someone can.

I nearly lost her to my own insecurity.  She’s the other half of my soul, a life-enhancing beacon of support and unconditional love.  My best friend. My sister.

My tenuous hold on my self-worth nearly ruined us as my insecurities swallowed me, refusing to free me as I fought to save myself.  As I struggled to stay afloat, I mistakenly convinced myself that the world was attempting to deceive me once again, that others’ successes diminish mine, that no matter how hard I tried, I could never be enough.

Instead of surrendering my flawed perceptions, I danced with insecurity, limply yielding as my mental confines dipped and rocked me.  I flirted with instability as I let the dance encapsulate me, tying and binding me in the wake of its dangerously hypnotizing spell.

I bared my facade of security.  I lashed out. I accused. I refused to support.  I refused to accept. I allowed my self-doubt to consume me as I continued to yield to the precarious tango that had bound my soul.

Instantaneously, without regret or remorse, she freed me, releasing me from the shackles of the never-ending dance, dismantling the bonds that confined my soul.  She spoke with conviction, halting the hypnotic tango in its wake.

You are enough.

I no longer had reason to continue dancing with my flawed self-image.  Perhaps, the world viewed my capabilities through clear lenses. Perhaps, my vision was clouded as I struggled to accept myself.  Perhaps, it was time to set myself free — free of the all-consuming dance that shook me to my core, free of my insecurities.

I am slowly learning to choose freedom from insecurity, to see the world as an honest reflector of my capabilities.  I am gradually regaining my sense of self-worth as I resolve to celebrate my successes on my own terms. I am carefully dismantling my shackles, the seemingly impenetrable ties that bind my mind and enslave my soul.  I am constantly discovering the beauty of true freedom as I fully learn to empower myself.

You may feel as though you are trapped in a dance of lies and insecurities.  You may allow your self-doubt to sway you, blurring your true capabilities. But, once you stop dancing with self-doubt and eschew the harsh whispers of the lies you convince yourself to believe, you will finally feel free.  It’s time to choose freedom from insecurity.  It’s time to sway yourself to believe that you are enough.

Kelly Douglas

Kelly is an avid writer and mental health and disability advocate with a focus on personal growth. She is passionate about using her life experiences to help others. Her ultimate goal is to make a difference in the world -- no matter how small. When she is not writing or educating others about life with disability and mental illness, Kelly can be found listening to music and cuddling her cat.

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