Dear life lessons, mistakes, heartbreaks, bad friends, and those who broke me,
There are so many questions I have for each of you that I will never get answered. I drive myself insane asking myself if any of you regret how you treated me or if any of you ever think about me and the damage you have caused.
Most importantly, I just want to know why.
I trusted all of you and truly believed that I was an important aspect of each of your lives. Each of you played such an important role in my life. The pain you have caused me cannot be described. Due to your cruel and selfish acts, abandoning me when I needed you most, and because of your harmful words that were purposely meant to make me feel insignificant, you have all slowly chipped away at, what was a wholesome, positive, and kind human being. Because of you, I have built concrete walls around me. Because of you, I struggle with finding and keeping good people in my life. Because of you, all I know is pain.
I hate to say this, but each of you have molded me into the person I am today.
Cold. Sad. Bitter. Negative. Angry.
You are all to blame for how you have treated me, however, I blame myself for allowing you to break me and allowing you to still consume my life after so many years. I become infuriated with myself when seeing how much power I give you. You have controlled me and my life for far too long, and I am ready to let you go. I refuse to let you win.
I am done asking myself why, because it doesn’t matter. Why pour all of my time and energy into you, when you didn’t do it for me? Instead, I am going to pour all of my time and energy into myself, and into those who deserve me.
I don’t write this with the goal of calling you out for your wrongdoings, though I struggle with keeping this letter from reaching that. I am writing this letter to say thank you.
Yes, you read that right – thank you.
Thank you for showing me exactly what I will not and should never accept from a family member, boyfriend, friend, or acquaintance.
Thank you for teaching me so many vital life lessons.
Thank you for freeing me.
Thank you for making me strong.
a new Olivia