Two Hardest Lessons in Life: To Say No And To Ask For Help

I had a thought last night. The two hardest lessons in life for us to learn are saying no and asking for help. But why is that? If you think about it those two fundamental lessons become just as lost to us as our childhood. We lose a lot when we become adults. The simplicity and innocence of life lose its gloss and shine simply because we come to realize that the real world is not only unfair at times, but it is also extremely hard and overwhelming.

In a blink of an eye, we go from fearless, unstoppable, invisible super heroes that needed no help – we had life handled – to adults that are over-worked, over-tired, hustling to pay our bills, and simply survive the day. Leaving behind that care free child who carried the world in the palm of their hands with such ease. Now as adults that super hero feels more like a weight we have to carry out of duty and responsibility, that if we put it ask down in realization we can’t carry it all as we once that we could. And if we ask for help it’s a sign of weakness and failure.

That you left the city you were protecting aka, your family and friends down regardless of your tremendous efforts to “save the day.” Why is that? Why do we push the urge to ask for help under the bed like a box of childhood memories not taking it out unless we absolutely have to? Like the effort is just too much for us to handle. When in reality asking for help is the easiest thing we can do not just in helping others but helping ourselves too.

If you think about it asking for help, and saying no are like the sister and brother always fighting against one another, because neither of them can be right at the same time, when In reality asking for help and saying no can work to benefit anyone one of us if we’re brave enough to put ourselves first and letting whatever is behind us fend for itself, and let whatever is ahead of us lead us and not overwhelm and control us. (Yes, I know it’s easier said than done.) Let’s be honest adult-ing is hard. And we should not feel guilty for saying no when it’s necessary. I believe that can be the very first step to asking for help.

Start with helping yourself first. If you start with yourself first, I believe you can start to remember yourself again. You remember that long-lost care free feeling again if just for a moment because you simply lighten your load to become your own hero for once. That is simply how we start asking for help, we start with ourselves, and start saying no to anything that will not help us to put ourselves first and keep ourselves there. I think saying no and ask for help is crucial. Why?

Because self-care is just as important as physical care. If you don’t learn to polish and replenish yourself you’ll be no good to anyone.  The Tin Man always wanted a heart, but what good is a heart if you don’t make sure you refill the soul that surrounds it? It took me a long time to learn to put bounders up when it came to giving too much of myself.

And my heart has taken some hard hits in learning that just because you’re always willing to throw someone a life saver, does not mean they’ll show their appreciate and do the same in return. Pull the life saver in on occasion and save yourself from time to time by saying “hey, I need help.” And you know what, no I can’t do that. But good luck.” People are right when they say, It’s time to move on.” They’re right. It’s time to move on to you.

Jessica Niziolek

Jessica is the founder of and writes for The Abler - a blog that deals with topics with far too much stigma, and not enough education or knowledge. She is an advocate for the disability community. Jessica is also a contributing writer for MEDIUM.COM. Lastly, she is a coffee and chocolate junkie who loves heavy metal and rock music.

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