A continuous flaw of mine has been seeing the world through rose colored glasses. I just expect and assume that people are going to do the right thing. There are times that I’m spot on and they do, and other times that they don’t.
I do the best that I can to make sure that I surround myself with the right kind of people. There have been many times that I’ve failed at this, though. Wanting to see the good in everyone is both a blessing and a curse. I know that I can find the good side of everyone. Unfortunately, that leads to me blinding myself to the dark side of them.
I’ve always been a people pleaser. Being yelled at terrifies me, it can send me into a spiral that I can’t pull myself out of. It’ll send me into something that makes me feel like I’m not good enough – that I’ll never be good enough. Knowing that someone is upset because of anything that I’ve done almost makes me feel like less of a person.
Actually, knowing that I’ve upset anyone makes me feel as though I’m the type of person that I try to avoid. I’ll see that they’re upset and I’ll spend hours beating myself up. It will make me feel like I’m the worst person to ever exist. I’ll feel like I’m unworthy of friendship, love, sometimes even unworthy of the things that I’ve earned in this life.
My goal for this next year is to make sure that I take off my glasses. I’m aware that it may hurt. There are going to be things that I didn’t want to see. Everyone has a dark side and I need to choose to stop ignoring it. I need to allow myself to see what’s right there in front of me. To see what is really going on instead of seeing the happy, fun, loving version that I want to see. I need to let life be what it is.