My mom has always said to me, “If you give too much of yourself all of the time you’ll get hurt and let down.”
She was so right. it’s like trying to fill your soul and spirit back up to its full capacity with a spoon. Granted, it took my father getting cancer for me to have this inward shift and realize some pretty important lessons.
Lesson 1: Times are completely different. When I was younger, I played with my friends until the street lights came on. Now, we’re so consumed with the hastiness, and business of non-stop activities and daily life that it makes me wonder, are we really living? Or are we simply in this endless completion of hustling-and over-sharing trying to sell the look of what happy is, what hard is, what difficult is, what life is trust to say you’re on the ball, you’re on top of your own world oblivious of any storm or obstacle that is indefinitely lying in wait for you.
I used to think if I I was the first to come to the rescue every time without fail that if I ever needed a safe I’d get that back in abundance-I was sadly mistaken. Which brings me to my next lesson.
Lesson 2: You can still love them without showing up as part of the rescue party every single time, in fact, chuck the invite right out the damn window. I used to think that if I always threw the ball back first, that it would come back in the same fashion in which I got it. The truth be told, that I know have come to the conclusion that putting the ball down, and waiting for someone else to pick it up is more than okay too. That even if I drop it in the process of letting it go, that that’s okay too because I am human.
Lesson 3: it is what it is. Meaning that You can’t change the situation nor can you change some of the people’s reaction or lack thereof to the situation. It just leaves you feeling sad and disappointed. Because you expected more.
Lesson 4: Cancer scares the shit out of you when it’s at your door. That’s why I personally reserved the rescue party for myself this time. This is where loving the ones that will always have a spot in your heart and in your life from the distance of a rearview mirror comes in handy. Tell your tribe whats happening, and then this is the big one stop obsessing.
That was one of the biggest eye openers for me. I am the queen of obsessing and over-thinking. Especially, when it came to maintaining my close friendships. I realize now that I can still have them in a different way. And that we will all show up at the same time eventually when life permits.
Lesson 5: Never take any moment for granted. I know that sounds like an obvious one, but you’ll be surprised what a life-changing word like “cancer” can evoke in you. All the time you thought you had stretched out in front of you suddenly gets shrunken into a timer quietly ticking to remind you and your loved ones just how precious each second is. And to also painfully make us all aware that we are not invisible as we once that we were.
Lesson 6: Say I love you (more.) Show love too. We live such incredibly and intense fast-paced lives we forget to begin our days with a good morning greeting. And then before we know it we find ourselves in a situation where we’ve lost that opportunity to not only say it but also show it. The acts of genuine love and humility are vastly becoming a lost art. I for one strongly believe we can get it back. If only we take a moment a single moment; and show up for someone in need or just show a kind gesture something as simple as a hug or a smile. Acts of love are simple. Acts of love are pure when they are coming from a genuine place of openness and unselfish giving of ourselves. that is humanity.