When I was younger, I was extremely thin. Around late elementary school and early middle school, I gained some weight but was still thinner. My first two years of high school, I was still very petite. But during my last two years of high school and beyond, I began to gain weight, particularly as I endured some challenging events in my life.
I became more self-conscious about my appearance and uncomfortable in my skin. I resented the fact that I “let myself go,” and that I wasn’t as thin as I had been. I hated my body and avoided certain clothes just so no one would see my body. I would scold myself for eating certain foods, and sometimes remarks would be made about what I was eating, which would make me more self-conscious and inclined to not eat certain things all because I thought it would make me gain even more weight.
I would get frustrated when I would try on clothes in the store and see how “awful” I looked in the outfits. I would look down at the size on the label of the garment and just be so disgusted. I was mad at myself and criticizing myself for not being the “thin” girl.
After scolding myself so much for my weight, and being so unhappy with the number on the scale, I had a sudden realization; I told myself that it wasn’t the number that was unhealthy, but rather the way that I was treating myself and how I was beating myself up.
I began to think about how we focus so much on thin vs. curvy. What does it matter if we are thin or have a little more curves? Both are equally beautiful. What matters is that we are healthy and happy.
In fact, the last time that I went for my check-up with my doctor, my doctor told me that I was healthy based on my blood work and all my other tests. So if I am healthy, why should I be so concerned? Of course, I want to do everything I can to be healthy, including going on walks, but I don’t want to beat myself up for something that isn’t a problem.
I want to focus on loving me for who I am as a person, and that includes all my curves. I would never let me friends talk about themselves the way that I talk about myself, so I need to start looking at myself in a positive light and stop being so negative about what I see in the mirror.
We should love ourselves for who we are, be it curvy or not so much. We should love the skin we are in. And forget about what others say; what matters the most is that you are healthy and that you love yourself just the way you are.
Because you are perfect the way you are.
So, I have decided to stop focusing on the number on the scale. Instead, I want to be size confident. I want to be size healthy. Size happy. Size sassy. Size love myself for who I am. Size me.