For the majority of my childhood and my young adult life, I have been a habitual liar.
I would lie about things that were inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, but there was a consistent presence of feeling the need to embellish. Now isn’t that a much “nicer” way to refer to lying? These embellishments would burst forth from my mouth without thought, it’s as if I had programmed myself to be in a perpetual state of lying.
There has been one person in my life who always seemed to know better. My mom could always sense when I was lying. She would even question me about how baffled she was about the why. “I just don’t understand why you would lie about the smallest of things, Angie,” she would say.
As the years progressed, I began to wonder why? When I dug in an asked this question, the answer came bounding back to me so clear, I was lying to myself. My habitual lying habit did not begin with whom I was lying too, it was me shielding the truth from myself. My world had become so inundated with lies, half-truths, and embellishments; it had twisted my beliefs…I was losing sight of what was real and true for myself.
Once I recognized that all those lies were just a way to protect myself, I found the courage to begin to unmask my own lies and find my truth. I had become a master liar with the practice spanning over decades. I told myself all kinds of lies every day and had gotten so used to them that it overshadowed my beliefs. It became incredibly clear to me that it was time to face my own self-lies.
It was a challenge to untangle the vast interconnected web that I had created. There were so many embellishments that the only way to deal with them was to unravel the ball and expose them, each and every one. The way that I choose to shed some light on what was going on inside of me was writing about them. By letting go of the lies I told myself, something spectacular and quite unexpected occurred. I found a quiet space of wisdom. By choosing to face my lies and let go of them, I found the space to open to that wisdom and everything it had to share with me.
I must admit that at first, I didn’t really have an understanding of what was before me. I did not know how to consistently listen to it. I was forced to dig deep enough through all the lies to really hear and trust it. This did, however, show me that if I allowed myself to sit in the space of the unknown and to listen more deeply to myself, in the silence, that I have access to a profound teacher.
I was able to learn that I did know the truth of my life, but I just didn’t like it. I found that in the nature of deceiving myself, and by extension others, that I really did not understand the depths of how badly wounded I was. I also came to the realization that the fullness of my expression was brought to me by the awareness of it.
I‘m sure you know your lies very well. You rehearse them all the time in your mind and through your actions. I would also like you to be aware that there is a distinction between lying to yourself and having your truth shift perspective over time and only you can be aware of this distinction. The next time you find yourself trying to believe you‘re happy by rehearsing your lies take note of what you are repeating. What are the ideas and beliefs you tell yourself over and over?
Our own self-work shows us how deluded we‘ve been and this provides a new understanding to find a lot of compassion towards those who are as lost as we were. It can be natural to want to help people to see clearly and to grow. In these moments, I encourage you to practice moving from your space of truth instead. Living your truth is more important than telling others what you think they are doing wrong. Today, many people aren’t used to seeing someone act from a space of clarity and presence, and you probably haven’t done it that much either. When living our truth, this is one way that we can help to reveal lies to others without actively pointing out their own flaws.
It’s important to recognize that your truth doesn’t need any repeating or believing. It simply is. So the more you are able to begin to let go of your lies and beliefs, the more it frees you to notice in the present what is. Commit today to dig in, let go and allow things to be revealed to you, this is how you come to know your truth.