Over a year ago, I realized that I was in a dark place and needed to recover from my mental illnesses. That day, I was driving down the road looking at all the scenery, but I was feeling depressed and anxious. I thought that I wasn’t myself and wondered where I had gone, but I didn’t have an answer. On the outside, I seemed to be happy, but inside, I was slowly breaking down. I felt like the world was pouring its problems on me, and I was just trying to keep myself at peace.
It was such a dark place for a twenty-two-year-old to be in, especially when she had everything going for her.
I went to the doctor, who prescribed Fluotine, which is similar to Prozac. Pretty soon, I found myself taking it every morning: half a pill with orange juice. Suddenly, though, I believed that I could not be happy without it. I thought that my medication was going to be a part of my life forever.
Around the same time, I went to a psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with Adjustment Disorder, which made me hate myself even more. Adjustment Disorder seemed like a brand-new thing to add to my list of ways I’m not “normal.” After I was diagnosed with AD, I continued to take the pills, even though it seemed like I was crumbling inside. I didn’t know where to turn.
One day, I told myself that I was done letting depression take over my life. I wanted to get back to doing what I live for: writing and speaking out on issues that matter to me.
Recovery isn’t a straight line. There are days when when my anxiety becomes too much, and I feel like Adjustment Disorder has taken over my mind. The voices in my head sometimes tell me that I’m going to fail and that I’ll be on meds forever, but once I silence them, I can get back to focusing on my recovery.
I have made a lot of progress in the past few months. I have a great support system, and they have always been there for me throughout my battle with mental illness. Recovery may not a straight line, but it’s a journey that I’m willing to take in order live a happy life.