I look back at life. I look ahead more. I evaluate everything. Everything always worked out. For some people it takes less time, for others it takes forever. Everyone knows having autism isn’t easy. It’s no shock. You may look at someone with autism and feel their pain. However, some of you actually won’t. They go to bed every night wondering what tomorrow will bring. They think about tomorrow more than today. I know that from experience as I went through life pushing 30. I looked at people going through college like cake. I wanted that. College isn’t easy but for me it was like a way. A 2 year degree took me 4 years. Man, I wish it took less. It didn’t and I put myself through at least 150% of stress loaded with medication in my body to get through. The hard fought battle in college ended in 4 years graduating cum laude with 2 awards. As soon as I walked out of my last college class guaranteeing my degree, I wanted independence. When you want something so bad, you want it fast and sometimes don’t care if it’s done right. Everyone with autism wants independence. Not everyone with autism gets that. My parents knew I was capable of it but didn’t feel my Time was right when I first wanted it. Not even a week and a half went by after college was over and I already looked at an apartment. I didn’t apply as the rent was not affordable despite the money I was making. I didn’t need two bedrooms, I only needed one. But it’s not just about rent. You have to pay car, cell phone, food, utilities if they’re not included, cable, and more. I would have been broke in 2 weeks if I moved out. But more stress and medication had to help me fight another hard fought battle towards my independence. I was in between jobs to make this happen. Looking at so many places that I had to make sure were safe and affordable. Not always easy to find. It took me 5 years to finally have my independence. Why do I wait forever for everything? It’s not fair and I’m tired of it. That what I would always say. I’m sure many with autism feel me. I feel them too. I’m not sure if people with no disability feel me as they make life look easy. We feel their lives are easy when they aren’t. I have my own World War going on. I’m single and lonely despite my independence. I’ve fought being single since 2014. I never had a long term relationship and this is the hardest fought battle I’ll ever fight. Sometimes I’m not sure if I’ll win. Everyone thinks I will. I want to believe them. I will and my time will come for everything just like it always has. So will yours. Be patient. Know your limitations. Follow your timeline. Life may not be fair. Everything happens for a reason. Amen
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