We tell young children that they can pursue their wildest dreams and become anything they want to be. Somehow as we grow, those thoughts fizzle as we struggle to pay the bills or fight to impress our loved ones. Although by adulthood, we usually no longer aspire to be actresses or professional athletes, we still hold career dreams in our hearts.

I’ve always dreamed of finding a job in which I can I help others reach their full potentials while I feed my mind and my soul. I never really knew what that dream job would look like, besides that it wouldn’t pay well and might require lots of post-secondary education. I first set out into the world as a teacher, thinking I’d feed children’s minds to make an impact. But I quickly learned that the world is a troubled place, and I could probably do even more than what I could contribute to a classroom.

Now, I dream of someday helping others through their mental illnesses and personal struggles. I find people fascinating, and I believe that I can lend them a helping hand. But at the present moment, I’m just making digital graphics and writing narratives. Although I know who I want to be, I’m not pursuing my dream career just yet.

I’m not pursuing my dream career yet because I’m apprehensive. I spent thousands of dollars and five years of my life obtaining a degree that I’m currently not even using. I thought that teaching was the career I would build my life around, but it didn’t work out that way in the end. I’m nervous about investing more time and money into another path, because at times, I still feel uncertain about what my heart truly wants.

I’m also apprehensive about my ability to be successful in my dream career. I wonder if I can really do all that I desire and if I’ll do it well. I don’t want to be a jack-of-all-trades; I want to be the master of the path I choose. Because of my desire to do my dream career the right way, I’ve temporarily put it on hold.

I’m not pursuing my dream career yet because I’m focusing on personal growth. I nearly lost myself more times than I should probably admit. I thought that it was OK to neglect myself and spend my days in silent self-hatred and neglect. However, I’m finally learning how to care for myself properly and taking the time I need to heal.

I’ve invested in therapy and other treatments to keep myself alive and breathing. I’m pushing myself to learn new things and have challenged myself in ways I never thought possible. Because I’m pushing my limits and working to expand my mind and grow my horizons, I’ve decided that it’s best to put any major life decisions, like landing the job of my dreams, on hold.

Finally, I’m not pursuing my dream career yet because the universe had other plans. I thought I’d merely jump from one career path to another without looking back. Although I cleared many hurdles (like taking the GRE), the universe eventually laughed in my face, and my plans came to a screeching halt.

I decided to listen to the hints the universe dropped, and I put my plans on hold until I could figure out why nothing was going my way. Waiting is often frustrating, even if we don’t understand why, but I’m trying to trust that the powers that be have a plan for me that will develop over time.

I know that when the time is right, I’ll continue my education and eventually earn the proper credentials to counsel those who need me. For now, though, I’m sitting with my apprehension because I still have lots of growing to do.