Dear Best Friend,
I have a little problem this holiday season.
I don’t know what to get you.
We’ve been tagging each other in gift lists since Halloween (18 Glamorous Gifts for the Girl Who Loves Sparkle! 25 Purr-fect Stocking Stuffers Every Cat Lover Needs Right Meow!) We’ve been texting each other gift ideas for months now. We’ve been so excited to find each other the perfect presents this year.
So, when you eagerly told me that you found me something amazing, something that I’d love, I started to freak out a little. And when you casually mentioned that that perfect gift is currently en route to my house because you wanted to beat the holiday rush, I realized I need a Christmas miracle right now.
I’ve replayed every irritatingly catchy holiday carol in my mind for gift-giving inspiration. What in the name of all that is holly should I send you to make your season bright? Gay apparel? No, too flashy. Figgy pudding? No way! What even is figgy pudding? Rudolph’s shiny, red nose? And leave poor Rudolph without a sense of smell or a way to guide Santa’s sleigh? That’s a resounding “No!” A winter wonderland? In your sweltering hometown, it would melt! My two front teeth? Creepy! Gold, frankincense, and myrrh? No gold; I’m on a ramen-level budget. Also, can some wise man tell me where people even buy myrrh? Because I’m guessing it isn’t sold at Bath and Body Works. Can I find some on eBay, maybe? On the black market? Or do I need a dealer for that sort of thing?
Obviously, the Christmas carol inspiration has been entirely unhelpful. I skim every oddly specific gift list I can find, hoping to stumble upon the present that’s just right for you. But that unicorn makeup bag is too cliché (Seriously, why is everyone obsessed with unicorns this year?), that high-end, glittery nail polish seems like it will chip too easily to give you the fabulous nails you deserve, and those chihuahua socks are cute, but they just seem too… blah. I find myself listlessly placing items into an empty Amazon cart, then rejecting them faster than you can say “Happy Holidays.” I’m starting to think I need a horde of elves to magically produce something amazing out of thin air.
The problem is you’re too good for all that stuff on those “stocking stuffer” lists. You deserve something more special than some generic gift from the closest department store. You’re the friend who’s never left my side, who stays up until 2 am listening to me vent about a pointless drama that we’ll both forget about within a week. You’ve counseled me through panic and confidently coached me through “adulting,” even though you’re just as lost as I am. You’re willing to drop everything to give me some much-needed advice, whether it’s a pressing work-related situation or an earth-shattering decision between two equally cute pairs of shoes. You’re my sister, the family I’ve had the privilege of choosing, and our sisterhood is the greatest gift I’ve ever been blessed with.
The reason you’re still awaiting a package on your doorstep isn’t that your not-so-secret Santa forgot where you live. It isn’t that she’s feeling lazy from scarfing down too many holiday cookies. It’s that she can’t find a gift that accurately reflects just how incredible you are and how grateful she is for the joy and light you constantly bring into her life.
I hope an amazing gift will arrive at your house by Christmas, but it just might show up as you’re ringing in the New Year. This year, Santa’s hopelessly lost; cursing online shopping and desperately searching for a one-of-a-kind present for a friend as irreplaceably wonderful as you.