Fate. Destiny. Divine intervention. The power of the cosmos.
Whatever you call it matters not; what matters is that you cannot deny those moments in your lives which can only be explained by some sort of otherworldly force stepping in on your behalf. Sometimes those moments come in the most complicated and inexplicable ways, though. What looks like the end may just a new beginning; what seems like misfortune might actually be a blessing in disguise.
One such moment came for me last November. A month that is supposed to be about giving and thankfulness became tainted with heartache and the selfishness of someone who I thought loved me. Oh, the irony stabbed me like a knife!
I was left in a permanent state of streaming tears for days. How could she just walk out the door like that after everything? I would be fine for a moment, then the water works would hit. Didn’t the beginnings of my recovery mean anything? Wasn’t she willing to see my treatment through and give me a chance? Other times, I’d become overwhelmed with a rage. Why now?! After all I’ve done for her? Why is it always my needs that become too much?
I’d been walking the tightrope between life and death, and in the wake of her walk out, I found myself falling again, slipping back to the darkness and free falling into the despair inside my heart. The world began to grow dim, and at the time, nothing made sense anymore.
I spent months continuing to fall, unable to catch myself. I let my pain and anger swallow me. Meanwhile, she was thriving without me. By continuing to wallow in my pain, in so many ways I was letting her win and continue to get the best of me well after she was gone.
Looking back, though, it really was a time to be thankful even if it didn’t feel that way at the time. I’ve found so much in the aftermath of the fallout, so many delightful pieces of myself that would have never made their way to the surface otherwise. It took falling without her to find my wings.
So, here I am, one year later, ready to embrace the divine intervention that happened then, just like the fate of now.
So, to my friend who left, thank you.
Thanks for giving up your seat at my table so someone incredible and kind could take your place, someone who loves me unconditionally and accepts me for all that I am (unlike you). I’m thankful for the new friendship I’ve found in the rubble of our separation.
Thank you for all the hurtful things you said and did so that I could finally see the reality of our relationship and understand all that I’d done. I’m actually glad you called me “toxic” and “a burden,” so that I could understand my selfishness but also yours.
It’s taken nearly this entire year to see the sunny side of the moment she walked away, but now I can reflect and understand that it was all meant to be. I needed to lose and let go in order to find the strength to stand on my own two feet again. I needed to experience heartache in order to appreciate the joy that would come later. I needed that dose of reality to find the path towards recovery. It all needed to happen to bring me to this exact moment.
We don’t always understand why the bad things happen to us, and sometimes we never get concrete answers. There is always a purpose, though, even in the pain. When you feel lost and broken, just take a look around; embrace the power of the cosmos and trust that fate has a plan. You may find yourself eventually giving thanks for the most unlikely of events. And that is the real beauty of acceptance and divine intervention.