I received a handful of emails this past week about relationships ending. Each of these email exchanges shared the various states of mind and processes that each of these individuals were currently going through. There was sadness. There was doubt. There was a lack of self-love.

I responded:

“I try to always be grateful for the people I cross paths with – especially the ones I was fortunate enough to love on a deeper level. I carry many lessons within me even long after knowing them anymore. I don’t think our experiences with people are supposed to be forgotten or pushed to the back of our minds. Whether it was good or bad, there is a lot of be learned and a lot to grow from. Remember that.

I hope you know you are worthy of love – start with self love. When you find yourself being “good enough” for yourself, life really begins looking up each and every day. I promise.”

Some background:

I never planned my wedding as a little girl growing up. I never thought about the colors, the flowers, or the cute little details. My parents divorced when I was four and I watched my mother struggle to find the perfect “man” that she thought my younger sister and I needed.

My mother has been married four times now. The thing is, my mom is a lover and is the most dedicated person I know. She just hadn’t found the right person to love her back the way she deserved. My mother is a fixer too. When she sees someone or something that is broken, she wants to mend their scars and make them feel whole again. She puts everyone else first. I love her for this, but I’ve watched her put herself on the back burner far too many times.

The most important thing is: My mother is love. She taught me love. She showed me love. She helped me witness what love is not.

“I raised you and your sister like boys. Let a man do something for you for once. Stop taking care of everything. That’s the one thing I wish I could change.”

“Don’t push people away. It gets easier and easier the more you do it. You won’t like that version of yourself. You don’t want to be lonely.”

“Get off your high horse. I want to help you. There is nothing wrong with accepting help from the people who love you.”

I think my mother feels partially responsible for the fact that I am too independent. I carry that I don’t need anyone mentality around like it’s my job. I have a lot of walls. I built some of those walls with the help of being a child of divorce, the first love that broke my heart, the loss of loved ones, and other various life experiences along the way.

I do not use the word love lightly. It’s just as strong as the word hate. I do not say it every day. I do not say it just to say it. I want to feel it. I want to show it. I want know it in silence.

What I am learning is that I am love.

You know how society tells us how hard love is? How you have to wake up each and every day and commit to whoever or whatever you love? Yeah, I am on board with that.

I never really understood why someone would be surprised that loving another person would be hard some days, some weeks, or even some months. Think about how difficult is can be to love yourself every single day. How can you ever expect to have consistent love without a daily commitment to working towards that love – with yourself, another human being, or anything at all?

Love is a process. Love is letting down walls within yourself – even if it’s slow at first. Love is accepting that your broken pieces come together so goddamn beautifully. Love is admitting you are wrong. Love is allowing the unexpected. Love is growing and changing and stepping back and appreciating the hell out of where you are at, how far you’ve come, and looking towards where you could possibly be.

Love is respect. Love is understanding. Love is good.

I am learning that the more I love myself, the more I become love, the more open I am to letting love in all around me.

Love is different for everyone. There are different love languages. There are different expectations. There are completely different understandings and meanings of what love is for every individual. The more you allow yourself to become love, the more you understand the love you truly need, the easier it will become to accept and let love in; the easier it will become to reject the love you know you don’t want or need.

Be patient with yourself. Be patient with love.

When you feel uncomfortable about something, don’t push it aside. Improve your weaknesses but don’t forget to honor your strengths. Appreciate your effort and be sure to appreciate the efforts of those who try to understand your version of love too.

Be the love you never received. Be the love you know exists. Be love.

Peace signs and positive vibes,

simply hkp