I’m in my 20’s and I have autism. I mostly write articles about autism. With autism, I never thought about suicide. I never thought anything that went on in my life would ever make me think about suicide. But my family was scared to death one day when I thought about suicide for the first time. It was due to my book I tried to publish failing and a relationship ending. The first person to know was my brother. I wish I could go back in time and travel 700 miles to see what he looked like when he responded to my text in another state. His abrupt response probably scared to death and maybe crying was “Louis, talk to me”. The way I was going to kill myself was get in a bathtub filled with water dropping my phone with my final words to my family in it. I didn’t know at the time what held me back and sometimes I still don’t. However, my mom knows exactly what stopped me. Based on what my moms response was, tells me she knows what stopped me. My mom said “Louis, nothing you do should make you want to commit suicide”. She added about things being able to be worked out. If I didn’t want to commit suicide when I was out of work with no hope, why should I commit suicide now. I can’t do that to my family. They’d cry forever. Once it’s done, it’s done and can’t be undone. I wouldn’t be able to see my family go through this burden for the rest of their life. My family needs me, they love me, and they’ll be there for me. I need to stay alive.
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