So finally after years and years of dating I did it. I let someone in. Not half way like most of my dates, but all the way. Let him walk right in and settle into my heart.
So why was this one different? Why did I let my guard down? What made me trust again? Met him online, talked for hours at a time on the phone, which became every day for weeks. Decided it was finally time for the “meet and greet”. I never do dinner on my first date with someone. I always schedule a meet and greet. Which I allow to last about an hour. And never where I live. That’s my rule. Always go to a different town, because I know a lot of people in my area, and don’t ever want to have to explain that I am on a date. It’s just my way.
This one however insisted on coming to me so I didn’t have to travel after working a long day. He lived about an hour away. So I agreed. Reluctantly.
I was nervous this time around. Tried on a few outfits and played with my hair for about 30 minutes. Usually I am in “I don’t care mode. If they like me they like me mode” I put up the wall mode.
I get to the restaurant early to stake out where I would sit. See 5 people I know before I even walk into the door. Explain to the hostess I need to be seated away from the crowd because it is a blind first date. Then it happens. He pulls up on his Harley and everyone seated outside turns around. So much for a quiet entrance. At this point my mind goes to the place of haven’t been on a motorcycle in years. Can I even lift my leg that high to get on? I do own a cute black leather jacket though. I laugh to myself and blink myself back into reality.
Here he comes around the corner. Big Guy, Big Hug, Big Personality. Have a great Big time. I finally felt the connection. The one that has been missing for years. Here stood before me a family man, a man who volunteers in his community and someone who really cares about some of the same things I do. I felt it was right. For the first time since my ex-husband walked into the bar I was hanging at 30 years ago I felt my heart go pitter-patter.
Wasn’t sure dating over 50 hearts felt like that. Don’t get me wrong. There have been many dates over the years. Some fun, some nice, some jerks, some boring, some exciting, and some made me really think “why do I ever do this.” Never felt that it was right. Until this one.
He looked into my eyes and I could feel him in my soul. I know it sounds corny but I did feel it. But all that drew me to him, all that I thought I really wanted, was everything that made us step back. His love for family and their problems, would make him decide that it was not the right time for us. Too much going on to continue a relationship. There were too many misunderstandings where I couldn’t be a priority in his life. Too bad and I was so sad.
So to him I am grateful for showing me that it is still possible to feel the pitter-patter in my heart at the ripe old age of 58. I am grateful that I met someone who still truly cared about taking care of his family and made sure his responsibilities were fulfilled. He showed me that there are still good guys out there.
Maybe it wasn’t the right time. Maybe it will never be the right time with him. But maybe, just maybe, it is the right time for me to let someone in. All the way in. And if they break something I’m sure I can put it back together again. I’ve become good at fixing things.