Made it to my orange and gray hiding spot. The sun is hitting me perfect. The warmth around me is comforting. Fall is starting to slowly move her way in. People will crave her colors and sprinkles of leaves like those on their favorite soft ice cream.

I remember when. I remember when my mind was more at ease. The worries were what was I going to wear on a Friday night skating and what friends were going to show up? Funny, I think I always wore the same things. Today, earlier, was so rough. Internally felt physically ill. I went about my business, mom duties, school shopping, carrying myself lookin sane but insides were on the scariest roller coaster ride I had ever been on. Amazing how we function, keep going on. I can’t pin what has the balance in me off, and I’m gonna reflect..focus..try and find it, but what’s my choice except holding on. I hold on and breathe. I hold on and calm myself. I seek peace because I am worth it.

It’s almost two months, eight weeks exact since I had the heart attack. It makes you reflect. At first I stopped. All the world of mine shut down. Time tics and tocs and you start going back to the same routine, and fast all over again. Ya get caught in the same waves of the days.

Where, what brings you comfort? Mine lately has been music. I’ve been inhaling a station on Pandora *Coffee House Covers Radio*. 
My daughter complained yesterday morning as we drove, “Mom, this is making me sleepy!” 
My immediate thought, Ummmmm – its holding me sane.

I started my morning today like I do. Happy day! This morning as I was plugging away with my coffee in my favorite Will & Grace mug, applying for jobs, which I have been doing consistently since March, my to do list in my mind clicks, clicks, clicks with the rest of things I have to get done today. My oldest daughter just walked by, my thoughts.. please do not empty the coffee pot! Sighhh.. she did.

Music and my mind, it keeps me grounded, takes me to stable. Gives me that keep thriving energy. What’s your song? Find it. Turn it up!

Amber – 311

Brainstorm, take me away from the norm’
I’ve got to tell you something
This phenomenon, I had to put it in a song
And it goes like
Whoa, amber is the color of your energy
Whoa, shades of gold display naturally
You want to know what brings me here
You glide through my head, blind to fear
And I know I
Whoa, amber is the color of your energy
Whoa, shades of gold display naturally
Whoa, amber is the color of your energy
Whoa, shades of gold display naturally
You live too far away
Your voice rings like a bell anyway
Don’t give up your independence
Unless it feels alright
Nothing good comes easily
Sometimes you’ve got to fight
Whoa, amber is the color of your energy
Whoa, shades of gold display naturally
Lost a thousand ships in my heart so easy
Still it’s fine from afar
And you know that
Whoa
Brainstorm
Take me away from the norm’
Whoa
I’ve got to tell you something