I must admit, two of the biggest battles I’m fighting this year is self-confidence and self-doubt. I really don’t know what causes me to always fight with myself and put myself down. Maybe it’s my anxiety or something else, I don’t know. All I know is that it’s a consent battle every day and sometimes it can get annoying.
It’s like a routine. When someone gives me a compliment for example, I can’t just say something nice and simple such as, “Thank you.” Or “your amazing too.” I ALWAYS fight it and say, “Nah I’m just Jules.” Or “I try my best.” I sometimes just wish I could beat the fight and give myself more credit, but that just never happened 99% of the time. I guess it’s part of my insecurities. But even so, it’s still an annoying ridiculous constant fight I deal with and try to get over every day.
I’ll be honest, I feel bad for some of my friends who always must deal with my self-confidence/self-doubt battle every day, Sometimes, I feel as though I’m burdening them with it. But, somehow through all of it, they still put up with me and stick around. No, sometimes I don’t know why they haven’t left yet and how they are still around.
This double battle is like fighting with your own body or brain. It’s like you want to accept someone’s compliment and say something nice, you really do. But you can’t though because the trigger that sets off the self-confidence/self-dou/Selfbt part of you kicks in hardcore and it causes you to say something ridiculous. I know it’s a big no to sell yourself short and put yourself down all the time, I get that, but there’s a very huge part of me that always does it every time, and I’m still trying to understand why this is.
Luckily, for me, I’m fortunate enough to have a few friends helping me get through this battle and learn to give myself more credit and be more confident in myself. If it weren’t for them, in a way I feel as if I would be fighting this battle comply alone drowning in my own thoughts.
I want to say thank you to those few friends. Thank you for always being there to remind me that it’s a huge no to sell myself short and put myself sown all the time. Thank you for staying by me even on days where the trigger of the self-doubt/self-confidence part of me is bad. But, most of all I want to thank you for being in this fight with me to get me to somewhat stop doing it to myself whenever you give me a compliment. Without you, I think I would be lost and drowning in this fight.
Like I said, I’m still learning and it’s going to take time. In fact, it’s taking way longer then I thought it would to try and get me to stop this habit of mine I’m hoping and praying though that by the end of this year, I can somewhat reach a milestone in this fight of self-confidence and self-doubt. Going to try to make that my goal for the rest of the year! I hope that by the end I can start giving myself more credit and stop fighting and accept people’s compliment more.
Always remember it’s never ok to put yourself down, no matter what the situation may be. It can eventually lower your self-esteem and who knows, maybe even put you in isolation from other people and the world- you don’t want that to happen. It won’t be a very good feeling. So, one way you can possibly prevent this from happening is find your circle of friends, the one’s that will always be there for you through good and bad times as well as the ones who will see you at your worst and put you at your best. In your toughest times and biggest battles, the ones that you absolutely cannot fight on your own, you will truly find out who your real friends are.
