On November 1, 2018, my family lost my 32 year-old uncle, a war veteran and father of 3, to opioid addiction. Below is one of the last thread of messages I received from him throughout his journey and battle. I shouldn’t have waited until now to share his story but it is the least I can do knowing I have created an outlet that can help this possibly get to the right person in need.
I am sad. My family is sad. This is how I know how to cope and push through.
This is my view of the demons I have faced. It’s not perfect but it’s mine…
I pray for those of us still struggling with the needle. That for me was my absolute hardest and longest battles I’ve ever faced. And I’ve seen war.
My goal is to stop IV administration, and substance abuse with opiates; to no longer deal with this crappy part of my story. But it’s the same for a lot of people.
I hope to possibly one day change a life with my story.
Do not look down or pass judgement on anyone that has or is still currently in this position. I believe the choice to start Subutex may have honestly saved my life… Methadone was not the answer to my problem. A lot of people probably think Subutex is not the answer either, but it absolutely works for me. Whether you’re on a maintenance program, AA, NA, Celebrate Recovery with open arms…the list goes on and on…NEVER JUDGE the chapter of addiction you’re on in your story for recovery through pages of someone else’s book.
We are all different – your way may not be my way.
As for me, I will only look and listen to positive enforcement and guidance. Getting back in tune with my moral compass and doing my best, keeping my conscious clean, no longer look for justification, blaming my past for my fight through substance abuse. The future that’s just on the horizon is more euphoric and happier without that constant struggle. Keep your head held high and use the negative to drive the positive actions. God bless – don’t give up!
I’m not a very good writer but it’s all from my heart.
I’m in the first stage. And am no longer ashamed of myself.
I also came to the realization that it was ultimately nobody’s fault but mine. I’m the one that continued to go back for more. I wasn’t forced. I could have just as easily walked a different direction. I am bias towards the fact that people say it’s in illness. I consider a cold the flu chicken pox as illness…I made the usage an illness.
Thank you for being an outlet for me.
The actual truth and the weight of the burden finally feels lifted all because I finally opened up and decided to talk about all the feelings I used just to get away from. All the feelings I ran away from, trying to avoid my reality by using drugs – I ultimately new that the decision was only a temporary fix and unfortunately I let the temporary fix become a permanent problem. If I could talk to everyone in the world .and only say one thing, it would be this:
Don’t ever be afraid or feel embarrassed to ask for help. Or to just write down how you feel or even talk to a dog. In the end – it will all help.
And never think you’re alone.