Just like everyone else, I struggle.
I sometimes struggle to manage everything when school life stands in the way.
Some days, I have lots of energy, but others, I have absolutely none.
I struggle to keep my emotions together.
In public, I always smile, trying not to worry anyone around me.
At home, though, I act differently.
I let myself have bad days. I don’t hide my emotions or keep a straight face. I know that if I do, it’s going to make me sick, so I let it all out.
In my grief, I become exhausted. I have no energy to do anything, even though I know that there are a million things to do.
Most days, the pain hurts so badly that I wish that none of these struggles happened in the first place. I wish that we could go back and fix it all, but I know in my heart that there’s no way that’s possible.
My loss hurts me more than anyone else in my family. At just 19 years old, I was the one who made the heartbreaking decision to let my father go. And having anxiety on top of it all certainly doesn’t help.
I’m trying to find the courage to move forward, but right now, I just can’t. I try to tell myself that I did the right thing, but it’s still hard, raw, and painful.
So don’t sit there thinking that I have it easy. I promise you I don’t. Just be there for me if I need support. That’s all I ask of you.