Growing up, I was a somewhat happy child.
I know, you’re probably thinking that she’s going to tell you another sad story, but just bear with me for a second.
While I, for the most part, tried to keep a happy front, down inside I was mainly sad. You see, during my life, I have had to say goodbye to so many people, both family, and friends. Moreover, I, unfortunately, did not have a traditional family life during my childhood. As a result, it often left me feeling sad, and that for some reason, people would never really stay in my life. The ones that really hurt were those that left of their own volition.
I didn’t really understand why people wanted to exit from and create big holes in my life. I mean, I don’t think that they were intentionally trying to hurt me; but why leave and leave me so unhappy?
I remember not that long ago, I was talking with my father about how not having a traditional family while I was growing up really impacted me. I told my father that while everyone around me, including my parents, was walking out the door and focusing on their own interests and happiness, I was left feeling so unhappy.
But I’ve been thinking more about this lately and had started to realize that I was basing so much of my happiness on others. I was becoming so dependent on others to create or bring me happiness, when all along, it should have been up to me. I assumed that happiness meant having someone to listen and talk to me, spend time with me, and just generally always be there for me. I equated happiness with not being alone. But I was wrong.
Because the only one that can make you happy is you.
You are the only one with the ability to take your gray sky and paint it blue. The only one that can change your attitude.
We can’t keep waiting around for others to make our lives better because then we could be waiting a lifetime to find happiness…because you control your own happiness. So, we must create happiness for ourselves.
Happiness is not something that is given to us by others; it’s something that we must give to ourselves.
Just like the Dalai Lama says, “Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.”
So I told myself that I am not going to depend on anyone else for happiness; I will only depend on myself. I have come to recognize that life isn’t always perfect, sometimes we are dealt a terrible hand, but I refuse to wallow in the sadness.
And so, this year, I am going to work on doing what makes me happy.
This year I have resolved to travel more, visit with friends, work on furthering my love life, go on walks with my dogs, write more, read more books, change my scenery…
I have decided that 2018 is going to be my year whether 2018 likes it or not. I have decided to create my own happiness and to make my own self happy.