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Self Sabotage Part 2: The Hand-Me-Downs

My sister is a shopper. She always has the nicest clothes and the latest products for her hair and skin. My favorite times of year are when I visit her and get a box full of her “old” clothes and other things she doesn’t want anymore. And by old, I mean last season, or never worn, or “I have one very similar, so you can have this one”. It always feels like Christmas!

This past hand-me-down exchange was again full of some really nice pieces. My mother was also cleaning out her room and added a bunch of t-shirts that I figured I could wear to work or around the house. You can never have enough t-shirts, right? While trying on all of my newly acquired items, my husband said “Why don’t you just get rid of everything you own and buy a new wardrobe?” A perfectly harmless comment. But my automatic response was “I can’t, we don’t have money”.


When I said this, I didn’t realize that I believe this statement. I believe it so much, that I have let it run my life. Of course I don’t have money to buy a new wardrobe. I also don’t have money to get my hair cut, or get my nails done, or go to that show I wanted to see, or go to the festival I’ve been wanting to go to for the past few years but never had money for.

I have been telling myself I don’t have money for so long that I actually don’t have any money.

Self sabotage can take many forms. Mine is negative self talk. I am finally able to see what it does to my self-esteem and my all around well-being. This whole time I had no idea that what I believed to be a modest comment was setting the stage for every aspect of my life. Believing this statement was holding me back from being successful in my financial life, and the worst part is that I just thought I was doomed to be broke my whole life.

My challenge to everyone is to be more self-aware. Are you self sabotaging? Is there something in your life you feel is just out of your reach? Like you get close to achieving it and then it slips away? I challenge anyone in this situation to take a step back and listen to your automatic responses and self talk. Are you being kind to yourself? Are you giving yourself the love and encouragement you need to succeed in life?

We all deserve to live the life we imagine. The life in which we achieve all of our dreams and desires. The life where we are genuinely happy. The first thing you can do to begin this journey is start believing it can happen!

Melissa Rafalko

Her dream job is to be a princess, but for now, she sticks with being a scientist who has a big imagination. Melissa is from Scranton, Pennsylvania and currently calls Nashville, Tennessee her home. Her family is her life. She loves her dog, Jodi, and her cat, Johnny Bear. Oh, and she is reading the Harry Potter books for the first time, and she thinks they are amazing!

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