I’ve always avoided crying, especially in front of other people, though I’m not exactly sure why. I think that somewhere along the line, I started associating crying with weakness. I never wanted others to see my tears or exploit them. So each time the tears started building, I stuffed that sadness deep inside, desperately hoping that nothing would ever release it.
Unfortunately, my soul became like a closet, stuffed to the brim with pain and sorrow. For years, I suffered in silence. I learned to mask my feelings and show the outside world a vibrant, happy person. I survived the turbulent years of college and the bleak beginnings of post-graduate job hunting.
Finally, the most unexpected event brought me to my knees: a miscarriage.
The day I woke up bleeding, I didn’t stuff my sadness down inside my soul. Instead, I released my tears for the world to see. I cried the entire way to work. I started sobbing uncontrollably in front of my boss as I explained to him why I needed to leave for an unexpected appointment. The tears rolled down in uncomfortable silence as the ultrasound technician desperately tried to detect any signs of life inside my uterus. I cried until no more tears fell from my eyes, and then I screamed in agony.
Regardless of the heartache I experienced that day, I actually gained something even better: the realization that sometimes it’s OK to release the sadness.
That day, nobody called me “weak” or took advantage of my delicate state. In fact, I received an outpouring of support and sympathy that I’d never experienced before. Although I know that becoming a Moaning Myrtle isn’t wise, I now know that it’s safe to cry from time to time.
Now, I try to release those painful feelings whenever I get the chance. When I feel my face flushing or eyes welling up, I tell myself that my feelings are OK. I allow myself permission to scream or cry, to provide an outlet for my feelings.
I now know that it’s safe to release that pain, if only for just a moment. There’s no need to suffer in silence. Showing the world your pain is not a sign of weakness, nor does it make you any less amazing. Believe it or not, we all deserve that feeling of release.