Take a minute to picture something:
You are sitting with your significant other. It’s a normal Friday night in, not anything unusual. You both just decided what to watch on Netflix. You pick up your phone to just scroll through Facebook. That’s when you see it…A post from someone you do not like. They seem so perfect, with their cool job and their brand new clothes. It’s all laid out for you to see. All of a sudden a lump forms in your throat and your palms get sweaty. Your mind starts racing with a million thoughts. The biggest thought of all is: I’m not good enough. That thought that you could never possibly have what they have. All of these thoughts have you analyzing every aspect of your life, even your very own relationship. Why are they with ME? Wouldn’t they rather be with someone who is smart? Someone with a cool job and fancy clothes? I could never be what they want.
Now, of course, these thoughts are not true at all. But, this is anxiety at it’s finest. It creeps up on you when you least expect it, and sometimes you think you will never escape it. But, that isn’t true in the least bit.
I used to and still at times find myself having these thoughts. It’s not bad and it doesn’t make you any less of a person. When I would have these thoughts I would shut myself off and put up this big wall so no one could possibly climb over. I began ruining friendships because of how I was feeling. Friendships I thought were strong and would stand the test of time. I would begin to think that everyone was judging me and I couldn’t handle that. I thought people had a hidden agenda against me, and looking at it now, that was probably far from the truth.
Why is it that I allow self-doubt and anxiety to completely take control over me?
I have started searching within myself for answers as to why I may be thinking the way I do. And I have found that it is a matter of self-control; “mind-over-matter,” so to speak. I needed to discover my triggers, and what sends me into these bouts of self-doubt and anxiety. It took strength and the ability to put one foot forward. I started to unfollow people on social media that would bring these feelings out of me.
I also began telling myself that I, too, have just as much of a purpose in life than anyone else. I AM good enough; for my significant other, to have a cool job, to have fancy clothes. My mind was the one holding myself back, and I have found that I have the control and power over my own thoughts.
That being said, I am slowly learning to be comfortable with the person I am and love myself for me.