He Picked Me Up, Piece By Piece

Before she even entered the world, you made up your mind about her; you directed her path – her future. Before she took her first breath, you took her self-worth, affected her self-love and you stole her security.

Her whole life she was met with men that took from her.

Took her virginity before she could think clearly, and chipped away at her self-esteem with vulgar names. Tarnished her reputation with lies, and compromised her sanity by making her believe she was the crazy one.

When she was cheated on, she was told the other girl was too beautiful to deny. When she woke up confused, they said she was asking for it. When they took advantage of her; she was told they hadn’t noticed her tears and he blamed her for getting into their car.

By the time she reached adulthood, it had been decided that she was a drunk who couldn’t amount to anything.

Each time she was abandoned, there always seemed to be some reason. As a young adult she was discarded like trash on the side of the road, but of course, he accused her – she drank too much, he couldn’t control her, she spoke to him in a way she shouldn’t have.

When she tried to get sober, they claimed she’d no longer be any fun. When she attempted to grow,  the few times she sought to believe in herself; they threw backhanded compliments and filled her with doubt. She didn’t know it then, but others wanted to keep her down – they needed to justify their abuse by her failure.

Then, everything changed.

The first time he spoke to her, she didn’t even look up, for she didn’t believe any man had an interest in talking to her. After twenty-five years she was convinced – I am ugly, I am wrecked and used I’m stupid, going nowhere, selfish and unlovable – simply because, those are the beliefs they had filled her mind with for years.

When he called her for a date she thought he must be crazy. When she saw how handsome he was, she knew he must have had ill intentions; no one that attractive had ever talked to her.

She didn’t trust him, after all, she had been taught that she was undeserving.

Piece by piece he broke her walls down.

Every day he told her, “You are so beautiful” until finally she no longer felt ugly. If there were things she didn’t understand he never called her stupid, only patiently answered her questions. When she shared her dreams, he encouraged her until she was able to believe in herself. He didn’t belittle nor accept her desire to self-destruct; he simply held her hands while she figured it out. If she hung her head in shame, he assured her it wasn’t her fault, until finally she no longer blamed herself for all her hurt.

Four and a half years later and I finally feel peace.

I don’t believe he healed me, but I know he helped put me back together. Today I am confident – because, no matter where we are, he makes me feel like I’m the only woman he’s looking at. Today I believe his love is true – because he never tries to hide me as the others had before.

No longer do I think I am worthless or believe I deserve to be treated badly. I am not ashamed of my thoughts – he’s shown me they are valid. I know that I can accomplish what I dream, for he believes in me; furthermore, he inspires when I can’t find my motivation.

I now see that as women, we should require respect from our partners. We deserve commitment and love. Now I believe there are kind men out there; men that will give equally to a relationship. Fellas that will love you the way you deserve to be loved. Because of him, I am able to advocate for my sisters – wait for the man who has you going to bed every night, undoubtedly knowing you are loved.

Not everyone needs a partner to build them up, however, I let so many vile men destroy me, I am forever grateful he helped me overcome the damage they caused.

…he broke down her walls and let happiness in, before she even knew what happiness was.


Melissa Kreutz

A sober boy mom & former self-loather. Coffee drinker, horror enthusiast and recovery advocate. | I’m not superstitious but I am a little stitious.

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