I feel like I danced with my physical therapist today. We held hands as we side stepped down the room & back.
My mind today..it was a mental battle with half my body feeling alive and half of it not.
I hate that I can’t move like I did. I use to get ready and out the door in 30-40 minutes. I’m frustrated because I can’t exercise like I was. I was feeling so good, focused and proud of my every day routine. Besides saying, “I did it,” when I accomplish something now I also say.. “Isn’t it crazy.”
It is CRAZY how much energy is needed for me to do the simplest things now. I’m still numb on the left side at almost a month, trying to not get frustrated waiting for a change. Days are not the same.. if yesterday I did lots, today could be so much slower. That’s a different mindset for me.
I feel like a sloth.
I am thankful, happy, excited, frustrated, sad and calm. At lunch the other day I cried and all I could say was, “I’m sad.” The outcome of this could have been so different. I imagine the what ifs. I could have died, my funeral would have happened. The first hospital I went to said I did not have a stroke. It was twenty four hours and a second hospital with the right diagnosis.
My perspective on things has changed so much, what mattered before now just doesn’t. The gray hairs on my head are nothing to fuss, or putting makeup on before going anywhere. I use to obsess over my reflection every single day.. how negative and silly. My energy is different, now living in the present. Gratitude is daily when before I was the girl who was sure to give thanks on Thanksgiving. I am thankful for opening my eyes and not taking it for granted each morning. I’m thankful for second chances, or the realization of third and fourth chances really.
I’ve had a couple conversations about the change of season.. sayin good-bye to summer, the crisp air in the mornings & spooky season that’s next.
I’m excited about what comes with the fall.
Happy September! 🍂 🍁