Finding Pride In Being A Woman

I’ve never been proud to be a woman; I’m not sure why perhaps it was how my parents chose to raise me.

It wasn’t their fault – they did the best they could. Growing up I remember thinking that women were rather weak and emotional. As a young girl, I learned a female would not make a decent president – our periods make us irrational and impulsive. I understood women were smart, yet I concluded that our thoughts were insignificant. Our contributions were beneficial of course but not as valuable as a mans.

I believed what men loved the most about us was our beauty, and I put a significant amount of pressure on my looks. I longed to be a boy, even just for a day. Being a woman felt underwhelming with an underlying sense of being unimportant – simply waiting for a man to come along and determine my worth.

I am now 30, it’s 2018 and finally I am proud to be a woman – so f*cking proud.

Proud to be part of this sexual identity that has fought and overcome. For years, we have declared “We are deserving!” until we were finally heard. I have watched women end conflict without violence, and have observed women use their emotions, not in impulsive ways, but with empathy. I have read books and have heard music which originates from our emotional souls. Women who write laws, discover cures, and win first place. Women will stroke the ego of a man while working behind the scenes, without demanding acknowledgment.

Women are strong, fearless, raw and dimensional- living in a way only we understand.

As a woman, my sister overcame mental illness, she fought to survive and reclaimed her life.

I watch my mother give of herself entirely while putting everyone’s needs before her own. I watch her teach and consume knowledge and humbly spread kindness.

Saw my godmother go back to school and receive her masters, only herself.

Watched my aunt overcome the death of her child, continuing to walk the world while missing half of her soul.

I see girlfriends overcome unthinkable situations, using their pain to help others.
Women overcome rape, escape abuse and reclaim they’re worth.

For years we have been silenced and blamed – But no more.

This year I have witnessed a movement, and have found strength standing in solidarity while proclaiming -Me Too.

We are women who protest and stand up for what’s right, and today, I am proud to be a part of that group.

I’d go back and I’d tell the little girl I once was; your thoughts do matter. A woman can be president, and your menstrual cycle is nothing to be ashamed of. Your body is your own, and you do not owe anyone anything.
No longer do I wish to have a penis, for I now understand the absence of that sexual organ does not make me inferior.
I am a woman who has grown two babies and spent hours in labor with every desire to give up. Vulnerable, afraid, exposed, and in pain – still, I persisted and brought life into the world. As a woman I battled addiction and fought an unimaginable war against myself – yet, I came out alive.

I will not apologize for my emotions, for those are my truths. I no longer place the utmost importance on my looks and am not ashamed by my gender. From here on out, I will not fear the power of my flower.

I am a woman – and we are enough.
Melissa Kreutz

A sober boy mom & former self-loather. Coffee drinker, horror enthusiast and recovery advocate. | I’m not superstitious but I am a little stitious.

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