I started therapy last February because I felt trapped in a toxic relationship. I finally ended the relationship but, I still felt like I was being held captive for some reason.
For 12 years I begged to be his number one. I tried to win an unwinnable battle for so long. Our relationship became an unhealthy addiction for both of us. There were red flags thrown into my face, and I would ignore them on purpose, because I just wanted him around.
I would usually catch him in lies. I would find other women’s underwear in my house. I found pregnancy bills from another woman, and caught him sending shower pics and money to his ex. I could go on, and on, and on…He would call me names when we fought, manipulate, and make me look like a horrible person to his friends and family.
I am not playing a victim by any means. I played my own role. I would retaliate when he would cheat. He never really paid attention so I would find someone who would. Yet I would never leave. Because, no matter how much attention I did get, it wasn’t from him. I was getting away with having both, and at that time, two wrongs made a right in my eyes. Eventually, I had to stop blaming him and take responsibility for my own actions.
During my sessions, I learned that I needed to be with someone who would treat me the way I wanted to be treated. I needed someone who would put me first, but I also needed to take a good look at myself and be able to do that for someone else. I had to take responsibility for how I treated him, and learn how I am supposed to treat someone I love.
I had previously found everything I wanted in my current boyfriend, but I struggled to maintain that relationship at times. I didn’t know how to be treated, or treat him, but I am finally learning.
My ex taught me alot. Our relationship wasn’t always bad, but unfortunately I am not sure he knows how to love anyone. Without him, my life wouldn’t have turned out the way it is now. He wasn’t a good boyfriend, but he always was my friend no matter what I did. We aren’t the kind of couple who could remain friends. We struggled with resentment, and having new relationships that weren’t with each other.
When he moved out, he already had a new girlfriend, and I had a boyfriend. Yet that was the time we got along the best…broken up. I was unaware he had known his new girlfriend (or had been seeing her) for years. That was a another new shocker that hurt me. I believe they live together now, and I can only hope he treats her differently. Although it does hurt to know he will give someone else the things I have always wanted and asked for, no one deserves a relationship like ours. We were horrible to each other.
I could hate him very easily, but instead I am thankful for him. He showed me what I really needed in a relationship. He showed me how to treat someone. I finally have someone who puts me first, loves me unconditionally, and fits so perfect into my life. I am having a baby girl in February, and my life is heading in a very happy and loving direction.
I chose not to hate my ex, because everything we went through must have led us to the people we were supposed to be with. I chose to forgive him for the bad, and I chose to forgive myself. Our last conversation ended on bad terms and I haven’t spoken to him since. All I know is, I hope we both end up with happy lives. I hope he is getting everything he wanted, and I will always wish him the best.
Cheers to healthy, happy, and new relationships!