I believe that as humans, we are all equipped with both a devil and an angel on our shoulder. As assumed, the angel takes over when good things happen, and the devil appears to encourage the not so good moments in your life. To be fair, it is really up to us when it comes to decision making, but sometimes, we do require extra help from what at the time appears to be our “friends”. For the longest time, in my earlier years, my devil was my best friend. He would tell me that I was never good enough. That I would never make it because I was disabled and in truth, meant to be stuck. I heard it so much from the devil that I began to believe it was the truth. I was in the darkest corner of my life. I was scared to death to come to a brighter place because I knew that the darkness was an unrelenting sort of creature. I knew deep down that if I attempted to come out, the darkness would show its face and suck me back under. Drowning in my own misery. Not understanding why my disability was such a factor in the fight.
For so long, I refused to believe that I was any different from anyone else. I did not want to have to ask for help because I felt like I was bothering the people around me. I thought I was a total bother and a waste. It did not help that the devil and antagonist on my shoulder was my biggest cheerleader when it came to the negative things in life. When you have low self-esteem, no amount of complements, money, and smiling faces can alleviate it. You have to step in and tell the devil that you have heard enough. However, it is not that easy. It takes years of practice. Times of looking in the mirror and embracing it instead of cowering in fear at your own image. It is the belief that you can look in the mirror and believe that it will remain intact.
It is the empowering belief that you must love yourself before you can love anyone else. It is putting yourself first and refusing to be a dimming light in the background. It is taking what you learn about yourself, flaws included,and loving them even when they are less than perfect. It is about speaking out when the whole world would rather see you with your mouth sealed shut with duct tape. It is about refusing to let the overwhelming power of negative thoughts overtake your mind.
I will be honest, it took me forever to learn all of these things, but I am so happy I did. That is absolutely not to say that the devil does not creep up every now and then. When he does try to destroy my now positive lifestyle, it may take me a few days to defeat him. However, the angel on my shoulder has helped me tremendously with my happiness. Overcoming all of my fears and insecurities has worked wonders for me. It is almost as if God handed me the magic wand and let me take complete control of my feelings. He also granted me with the generous talent of writing to help improve not only my world, but the world of others. I often feel like writing is my super power.
Writing and believing in yourself is hard. You have to work for it & earn your keep. I have been working overtime and using every bit of myself to become the best writer and influence that I can. It takes up a lot of my blood, sweat, and tears, but I will be dammed if it is not worth it!
You can change. You can overcome the devil on your shoulder. No, it will not be an easy road; I cannot promise you will not have plenty of twists and turns along the way. When you make it and cross the finish line with happiness, you will never want to look back again!