What are you addicted to? 

Is there anything you can’t help but regulate or monitor? Or is there something you couldn’t see your life without because you enjoy doing it so much? I think we all have traits that others could define as characteristics of OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder): a pattern of thoughts or behaviors that are almost ritual-like. I was addicted to and obsessed with monitoring my calories and pursuing my dream thin body, no matter what it takes, regardless of the consequences.


Ironically, I currently work as a drug recovery worker, helping people to overcome their addiction to drugs and alcohol. I advise people on how to get over their addictions by encouraging motivation, identifying triggers and coping strategies, and outlining the benefits of changing their life. But, as I said previously if they don’t want to change for themselves, they are never going to. I see it every day in front of me. People ignore the consequences of their behaviors and focus on what they see as the positives, regardless of how short-term they are.


I was exactly the same. I didn’t even believe I had a problem and was in complete denial. You get so caught up in your behaviors that justify the goal that you fail to see what everyone else around you can see and ignore the negative impacts the ‘means’ are having on your wellbeing. You have retrained your thoughts to believe what you are telling them and suddenly any other needs are thrown out of the window. You haven’t even reached ambivalence yet because you haven’t accepted there is an issue to argue over. If I didn’t enjoy doing what I was doing (to a point) I would never have done it. To get pleasure out of doing something to yourself that is in reality so toxic is hard to imagine to an outsider. But to yourself, you deem your actions as rewarding. But what is so rewarding about this never-ending cycle of deceit and denial?


If you have accepted there’s an issue with something in your life and ambivalence has kicked in then you’ll know it’s time to change. Find something far more rewarding. Do something amazing. I want to use my experiences and my journey of change to help motivate others to do the same, no matter what they are facing, by inspiring hope and positivity. You are capable of whatever you believe. Don’t let your addictions take you away from you.

Amy Whittle

My name is Amy, I'm 22, and I’ve been living with an eating disorder on and off for 9 years. A few months ago I was finally honest about it with my loved ones. I am now on my challenging journey through recovery and have started an online blog to help aid me along the way and hopefully provide some positivity and motivation for others who are going through a similar thing.

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