I see you. Standing over there, twinkle in your eye, and a beautiful smile. You’re hiding something from everyone else and yourself. You’re afraid to admit it because you don’t want it to be true. Don’t worry my dear, you’re not alone.
You’ve been used.
Either for one thing or the other. It’s all you’ve ever known about relationships and you’ve come to accept it as a false truth. I am sorry for what you’ve been through. No one should ever be used. Sadly it happens too often.
If I may, please allow me to tell you my story. I too have been used. Lead on for three years, an insult for girls who were fighting with their boyfriends. Hearing that they’d rather date me then get back together. Told by her friends she wanted me, only to hear her tell them it was just a joke. Used to fill the emptiness of being lonely.
For you, you may have been used in different ways. Perhaps as a status, the “trophy girlfriend.” Maybe to fill the void of loneliness we all feel too often. Worst of all, you’ve been used for your body. Too many men chase after one aspect of life and it’s wrong. For all that you’ve been used for, once more, I am sorry.
You now find yourself having difficulty trusting others when it comes to a relationship. You’re used to be used and now you expect it and await it. You’re still scared of being used, but what frightens you most is when it doesn’t happen.
You meet a guy. Began to date, he asks to hold your hand, he brings you flowers and opens the car door for you. He waited a while and when he was ready, he asked to kiss you for the first time. You smile brightly and laugh saying “it’s about time you ask!” You begin to go to church and pray together. He starts to love you with his whole heart. In your mind, you begin to question. “When is he going to use me?”, “Is he even really attracted to me?”, “why hasn’t he used me?”. When the answer doesn’t come and you fear the answers, you begin to push him away. He chases you, asking you whats wrong and wanting to help. You only pull further away and ask him not to fight for you.
Something I’d like you to know. That guy, all he wants to do is show you, true unconditional love. He knows you’ve been used. He’s after your heart, not your body. He wants to take your heart, cherish it, heal it, and protect it from any more harm. He asks you permission to touch because he respects you, he respects your boundaries and your body.
It scares you, that okay. For the first time, you’re experiencing what a real, true relationship is. You suddenly find yourself no longer questioning if or when he’ll use you. Though it may still be in the back of our mind so you’re still cautious. Sadly you still push and pull away. When you haven’t spoken to him and you’ve taken time for yourself, you text him apologizing. He understands, tells you he still wants to pursue a relationship with you. You still need to heal, so does he, so he doesn’t ask for the relationship. He just wants to be there to support and help you.
For now, you’re just friends. You both still love and care for each other. You both need time to heal and focus on yourselves. That’s a good thing. We can’t be ready to love, truly love, until we learn to love ourselves.
My dear, you are beautiful. Smart, funny, kind, caring, and understanding. You deserve the best. To be shown what real love is. After all this time, you’ve come to know what you want. Your standards are higher now. Never lower them.
Above all this, you are incredibly strong and courageous. For you have chosen to still love. Your faith in love may have been shaken but it is not broken. You were created not just to love, but to be loved. This, my dear, is where your true beauty lies.
Being used is something I wouldn’t wish upon any person. Not even on those who’ve used me. It breaks the heart and it often breaks the spirit. Both are hard to heal.
You are worthy of so much. Know there is a real man out there, patiently (at least he’s trying his hardest to be patient) waiting to love you the way you deserve. Until then, take this time for you, love yourself and come to know yourself.
God Bless and Positive Vibes.
Born with a genetic disorder, Niall knows what it is like to be knocked down. He has been there several times and he has been able to get back up because of faith and a small number of friends. Seeing others getting knocked down, Niall offers a hand whether he has just fallen or is on the way back up himself. Volunteering as a summer camp counselor for children, teens, and young adults with the same disorder, Niall hopes to inspire them to overcome life’s road blocks. For Niall, writing for Project Wednesday is an opportunity to reach more people, and to help more.