Don’t hate your EX

I started therapy last February because I felt trapped in a toxic relationship. I finally ended the relationship but, I still felt like I was being held captive for some reason.

For 12 years I begged to be his number one. I tried to win an unwinnable battle for so long.  Our relationship became an unhealthy addiction for both of us. There were red flags thrown into my face,  and I would ignore them on purpose, because I just wanted him around.

I would usually catch him in lies. I would find other women’s underwear in my house. I found pregnancy bills from another woman, and caught him sending shower pics and money to his ex. I could go on, and on, and on…He would call me names when we fought, manipulate, and make me look like a horrible person to his friends and family.

I am not playing a victim by any means. I played my own role. I would retaliate when he would cheat. He never really paid attention so I would find someone who would. Yet I would never leave. Because, no matter how much attention I did get, it wasn’t from him. I was getting away with having both, and at that time, two wrongs made a right in my eyes. Eventually, I had to stop blaming him and take responsibility for my own actions.

During my sessions, I learned that I needed to be with someone who would treat me the way I wanted to be treated. I needed someone who would put me first, but I also needed to take a good look at myself and be able to do that for someone else. I had to take responsibility for how I treated him, and learn how I am supposed to treat someone I love.

I had previously found everything I wanted in my current boyfriend, but I struggled to maintain that relationship at times. I didn’t know how to be treated, or treat him, but I am finally learning.

My ex taught me alot. Our relationship wasn’t always bad, but unfortunately I am not sure he knows how to love anyone. Without him, my life wouldn’t have turned out the way it is now. He wasn’t a good boyfriend, but he always was my friend no matter what I did. We aren’t the kind of couple who could remain friends. We struggled with resentment, and having new relationships that weren’t with each other.

When he moved out, he already had a new girlfriend, and I had a boyfriend. Yet that was the time we got along the best…broken up. I was unaware he had known his new girlfriend (or had been seeing her) for years. That was a another new shocker that hurt me. I believe they live together now,  and I can only hope he treats her differently. Although it does hurt to know he will give someone else the things I have always wanted and asked for, no one deserves a relationship like ours. We were horrible to each other.

I could hate him very easily, but instead I am thankful for him. He showed me what I really needed in a relationship. He showed me how to treat someone. I finally have someone who puts me first, loves me unconditionally, and fits so perfect into my life. I am having a baby girl in February, and my life is heading in a very happy and loving direction.

I chose not to hate my ex, because everything we went through must have led us to the people we were supposed to be with. I chose to forgive him for the bad, and I chose to forgive myself. Our last conversation ended on bad terms and I haven’t spoken to him since. All I know is, I hope we both end up with happy lives. I hope he is getting everything he wanted, and I will always wish him the best.

Cheers to healthy, happy, and new relationships!

Meghan Farr

Meghan has an Associates Degree in Human Services, Bachelor's in Human Development and Family Studies, and a Minor in Psychology.

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