A date with November.

Tonight, I saw her.

She paused… looking for a moment of peace.  Looking around she saw how leaves painted the ground, and how the gray branches reached into their winter poses.

Her breath was taken away by the sunset.

She’s the girl who wants to chase the sky.
 To grab the pieces and connect. She was in love with the sunbeams, clouds, moonlight, raindrops, and stars.

Night falls and frost begins to kiss the ground.

Hello November.

Amy Scott
Amy is on the great adventure of 40 and all that has come with it this year. From Atlantic City, NJ and raised in PA. She is venturing on life being unpredictable! She is one to find the positive. Adventurer and spontaneous travels are her thing. Fan of Alice in Wonderland, Will & Grace but first a mother. Writer. Photographer. One who is fierce, passionate and guilty of being a lover.

Give love.

We live mindfully first. We move by thought. Decide by motivation, what is motivating you to be what you are now, today as a matter of fact. How did you get to this day, your work place, vacation or life scenario? What expectations do you have to fulfill? Who is waiting on you to be who you are today? Daily? I remember growing up, a life lesson, I was encouraged to set a goal and work towards it, besides the common life milestone- college for instance. At the time I thought it was stupid, dumb, nonsense or was just passive to my Mom, “okay, sure, I’ll do that.” The idea was a monthly book to read or a set of miles to run every other day, something to add quality to my being, but honestly, I never paid mind to it again.

Fast forward. This week, the NOW. Another devastation in our country this week. Not by weather. “Another,” meaning too many actually. The news as of late is so common to be bad, negative and it seemingly transforms our moods as closely as uniting and/or dividing us. The word “massacre.” The angry hearts of guns, facts and opinions. Monday morning, my phone was binging at me before I even opened my eyes that day. My British friend was messaging me to “love our family & friends- x” and telling me the news in our country. Then, I didn’t want move from my bed. I didn’t want to see GMA, learn anything with my own eyes. I wanted to hide my daughters from it. The feelings, shared facts of then.. 50+dead, 500+ hurt. Sick feelings, sad feelings, thoughts of all those innocent hurt. The reflection of the world in our faces with either the photos constant, news, social media, we are all startled. Talking to a friend and agreeing it’s that sick feeling deep down, takes your breath away. It’s the wrenching helplessness of what can I do?

It brings back the shove my mother was trying to give me and I was stubborn to hear, but it’s right, and I hear the lesson loud and clear now- AND it’s right at any age. Personal goals, it’s a like a gift to give yourself but what if we turn it to, giving to others. We not only should “give” to food drives for Thanksgiving and during the holiday season, but give selfless often. Give selflessness more. Give now. The common or maybe not so common, donation of blood. Do you have an art to share? Can you donate time? Volunteer. Give your ear to even just listen to someone out of your comfort zone.

If you pray, pray again and again. If you love, love stronger. Be kind, give kindness away.  Anonymously pay it forward. Give something, somewhere, somehow. Move in giving love.

Amy Scott
Amy is on the great adventure of 40 and all that has come with it this year. From Atlantic City, NJ and raised in PA. She is venturing on life being unpredictable! She is one to find the positive. Adventurer and spontaneous travels are her thing. Fan of Alice in Wonderland, Will & Grace but first a mother. Writer. Photographer. One who is fierce, passionate and guilty of being a lover.

Paths of Change

There was about an hour to go, left of the gorgeous weekend. Well, that I had left to me, myself before my daughters came home from their dads. A September afternoon and the sun was a warm kiss. The temperature was 80 for sure and I was lost again.

I took us to a path we walked back in the beginning of our days, almost 10 years ago. We walked down the trail that embraced us. The colors said welcome. The crunch of leaves were music. The scene was as if the trees were hugging the trail. Change of season is just across the way. I was on this path, but my mind was somewhere else.

The conversation was simple. My hands busy with keys and cell phone. Of course, I stopped for a picture. Of course we walked that bridge. There were three boards new in the with the old.

This cold, I’ve felt before. He had said as we began to walk, “you seem troubled, still.” My body reacted, and I did not make a sound. I couldn’t. I was down. Be it my eyes, shoulders, it was as if I wasn’t even there. My mind kept saying I wanted to vomit. If I could throw up all the words, time & feelings to deal, would I? My favorite line from an old song was, “I’m half alive, but I feel mostly dead.” I was almost there.

Do the seasons feel like such? In between life and change of colors, falling to their nakedness before the cold? There is that vulnerability. When one undresses themselves completely and says, “Hi this is me,” scars and messy hair. I say each morning almost, “I worked hard on this look,” stoned face before the caffeine and hazelnut. I stare at this space just like it is 7am now, yet it’s really just before 10pm.

I recently reconnected with a friend who I met when I wore pig tails and rode my black hand me down bike with daily. We would be outside from 9am until the bats were flying through the dusk sky. We had to have been at least seven. Change of season, adult life and now her story. I admire her honesty so much because it’s shocking. Its truth wanted. It’s chaotic and hard. One of those places you want it to end and ease. She’d say, “I just want it over!” Wanting the choices and change in her face to become calm waters than the rough constant waves. She will not drown. She’ll get it, she’ll walk out of those waters with her head high and power. Can you relate?

This walk simply reminded me that life can truly be discouraging. There is a happier place making and enjoying life moments more. Not rushed, or stuffed with stress. It reminded me that it’s not worth the effort. Oh, and sleep and I should become friends again. It feels I haven’t slept since spring. Summers foolish games.

My walk on that Sunday, I was trying to get normal back, again. At least at this adult thing, I’m not a mess, I’m a pretty mess.

Oh and really, I’m NO mess at all, I’m simply just pretty.

Amy Scott
Amy is on the great adventure of 40 and all that has come with it this year. From Atlantic City, NJ and raised in PA. She is venturing on life being unpredictable! She is one to find the positive. Adventurer and spontaneous travels are her thing. Fan of Alice in Wonderland, Will & Grace but first a mother. Writer. Photographer. One who is fierce, passionate and guilty of being a lover.

Energy

Made it to my orange and gray hiding spot. The sun is hitting me perfect. The warmth around me is comforting. Fall is starting to slowly move her way in. People will crave her colors and sprinkles of leaves like those on their favorite soft ice cream.

I remember when. I remember when my mind was more at ease. The worries were what was I going to wear on a Friday night skating and what friends were going to show up? Funny, I think I always wore the same things. Today, earlier, was so rough. Internally felt physically ill. I went about my business, mom duties, school shopping, carrying myself lookin sane but insides were on the scariest roller coaster ride I had ever been on. Amazing how we function, keep going on. I can’t pin what has the balance in me off, and I’m gonna reflect..focus..try and find it, but what’s my choice except holding on. I hold on and breathe. I hold on and calm myself. I seek peace because I am worth it.

It’s almost two months, eight weeks exact since I had the heart attack. It makes you reflect. At first I stopped. All the world of mine shut down. Time tics and tocs and you start going back to the same routine, and fast all over again. Ya get caught in the same waves of the days.

Where, what brings you comfort? Mine lately has been music. I’ve been inhaling a station on Pandora *Coffee House Covers Radio*. 
My daughter complained yesterday morning as we drove, “Mom, this is making me sleepy!” 
My immediate thought, Ummmmm – its holding me sane.

I started my morning today like I do. Happy day! This morning as I was plugging away with my coffee in my favorite Will & Grace mug, applying for jobs, which I have been doing consistently since March, my to do list in my mind clicks, clicks, clicks with the rest of things I have to get done today. My oldest daughter just walked by, my thoughts.. please do not empty the coffee pot! Sighhh.. she did.

Music and my mind, it keeps me grounded, takes me to stable. Gives me that keep thriving energy. What’s your song? Find it. Turn it up!

Amber – 311

Brainstorm, take me away from the norm’
I’ve got to tell you something
This phenomenon, I had to put it in a song
And it goes like
Whoa, amber is the color of your energy
Whoa, shades of gold display naturally
You want to know what brings me here
You glide through my head, blind to fear
And I know I
Whoa, amber is the color of your energy
Whoa, shades of gold display naturally
Whoa, amber is the color of your energy
Whoa, shades of gold display naturally
You live too far away
Your voice rings like a bell anyway
Don’t give up your independence
Unless it feels alright
Nothing good comes easily
Sometimes you’ve got to fight
Whoa, amber is the color of your energy
Whoa, shades of gold display naturally
Lost a thousand ships in my heart so easy
Still it’s fine from afar
And you know that
Whoa
Brainstorm
Take me away from the norm’
Whoa
I’ve got to tell you something

 

 

 

 

Amy Scott
Amy is on the great adventure of 40 and all that has come with it this year. From Atlantic City, NJ and raised in PA. She is venturing on life being unpredictable! She is one to find the positive. Adventurer and spontaneous travels are her thing. Fan of Alice in Wonderland, Will & Grace but first a mother. Writer. Photographer. One who is fierce, passionate and guilty of being a lover.