3, 2, 1 – Happy New Year!

Making this new year selfish, mindfully selfish.

Me, selfish?

I’m really not in all honesty. I am so in all actuality self-LESS! Guess what I did yesterday? I took my daughters to the movies and we were sharing a mega bucket of popcorn, of course, we emptied it. Free Refills! My youngest daughter demanded more. Neither of them would go and get the bucket filled, of course, I did. Guess what else I did yesterday? In walking back into the theater with the bucket filled with buttery, yummy popcorn, I stopped and leaned against the wall watching the movie. I lingered there alone and ate the popcorn, for myself, JUST ME! The simple things, right?

This year I have given so much energy to bullsh*t. Things not worth my time. Lost sleep, energy and to things that truly hold the smallest amount of value. So, I am just turning the knob down on some things and up on other pieces that I should make more important to me.

I love and anticipate the question, “Any New Years resolutions?” We answer with excitement, goals in mind or keep our treasures and secrets to attack, but have started to simmer with sparks of magic on January 1st. I have done some new today and conversed with others about their plans and to-dos.

Today on this first day, I’ve heard of amazing things to look forward to or anticipate and some worries. I’m always reminded, how do we value one another? News such as a baby announcement that was four years of a holding period. Reminded me that I had the joy of photographing a baby announcement too for a family this Christmas. On a serious note, I have heard of sickness and was reminded of how weak we can get, feel, how we can deteriorate. Tears for my old family and one’s health. Reminded me too, six months ago I was in the hospital from a heart attack at 40. Let’s not take life for granted.  Planning for reviving our home and growing more in my business.

Today is a day to thrive. It’s the feel and buzz in the air.. No matter what the temperature “tries” to freeze us at. It’s been between 3 and 20 degrees this holiday.
No fear though, because you can’t freeze goals, love or promises.

Happy New You!

Amy Scott
Amy is on the great adventure of 40 and all that has come with it this year. From Atlantic City, NJ and raised in PA. She is venturing on life being unpredictable! She is one to find the positive. Adventurer and spontaneous travels are her thing. Fan of Alice in Wonderland, Will & Grace but first a mother. Writer. Photographer. One who is fierce, passionate and guilty of being a lover.

The Moment

It’s December. December 1st exactly.

Part of my work right now is photography. It’s been holiday photos and “say cheese!” It brings to mind that I capture time in a photo. I help others freeze time and hold onto it. I have been so busy.

This morning I am sitting across the table from this amazing ginger haired girl. Her soul I admire. Her laugh, contagious. She’s humming ..”Christmas bells are ringing,” by Natalie Cole. I am always in awe that I got the privilege to be the mother of this human being. I captured the moment in a photo.

I keep putting this piece down and then picking it back up, either in my mind, here pressing these keys, or earlier this morning when I was hearing what to write while looking in the mirror.

The last couple months have been different with small challenges and big changes for my daughter and me. She is sixteen now. Control over four wheels and a seatbelt has happened. I’ve learned that for me to get driven to the local coffee shop and for her to pay the bill, her permit magically did that. Money- she’s had a job now too, and she juggles her school schedule, social life, plus work pretty well. Minor stresses but she’s really got it under control. Last night, quarter to midnight, as I was half asleep on the couch, she put in my face this amazing brochure she created for a history project. Saturday morning she volunteered to take children from our local rotary club to shop for families and Christmas. Her heart is ginormous!

On the serious side of things, she started new appointments. When these appointments started months ago, I had a flashback..but it was my reality. I was in that same exact building about 17 years ago but she was in my womb. I was months pregnant with her and worked in the building just next door. The office would get breakfast from over there on Market Street – fast forward from 2000 to 2017, Chloe is now going to a therapist in the exact same location. My everything stopped. My heart paused. My breathing froze when the memories flooded my mind. First appointment she exclaimed very clearly, “Mom- I do not want you to go in with me!” I had to excuse myself from the first session thirty minutes in saying, “but she wants to do this alone,” and I held back the tears in the waiting room.

I put this down and picked this piece up again days later.

She got in the car and spoke how she did an art project. She said immediately she thought it was stupid. The assignment was to draw a jar, bubbles inside and then fill them with reasons she had anger. Am I one of the reasons, I know I am.

How did I already get to forty years old? I remember being 15, 16 and learning from a mentor about story strands, and how that stuck with me, is so true. Here I am connecting 17 years ago to my now.

The cluster of the time, the strands of moments, heart stories and how we love and value one another is so very important. It’s now December 14th, the month is already halfway over. It’s that time of year that we think of others more. Or there is that heightened spirit of kindness, genuine or expectation of it. Do we get this at the end of the calendar year to make nice with what was not good from January to November? Do even the Scrooge’s get a second chance? If it’s whatever month.. whichever season, the same line keeps coming to my mind… be in the moment.

Amy Scott
Amy is on the great adventure of 40 and all that has come with it this year. From Atlantic City, NJ and raised in PA. She is venturing on life being unpredictable! She is one to find the positive. Adventurer and spontaneous travels are her thing. Fan of Alice in Wonderland, Will & Grace but first a mother. Writer. Photographer. One who is fierce, passionate and guilty of being a lover.

A date with November.

Tonight, I saw her.

She paused… looking for a moment of peace.  Looking around she saw how leaves painted the ground, and how the gray branches reached into their winter poses.

Her breath was taken away by the sunset.

She’s the girl who wants to chase the sky.
 To grab the pieces and connect. She was in love with the sunbeams, clouds, moonlight, raindrops, and stars.

Night falls and frost begins to kiss the ground.

Hello November.

Amy Scott
Amy is on the great adventure of 40 and all that has come with it this year. From Atlantic City, NJ and raised in PA. She is venturing on life being unpredictable! She is one to find the positive. Adventurer and spontaneous travels are her thing. Fan of Alice in Wonderland, Will & Grace but first a mother. Writer. Photographer. One who is fierce, passionate and guilty of being a lover.

Give love.

We live mindfully first. We move by thought. Decide by motivation, what is motivating you to be what you are now, today as a matter of fact. How did you get to this day, your work place, vacation or life scenario? What expectations do you have to fulfill? Who is waiting on you to be who you are today? Daily? I remember growing up, a life lesson, I was encouraged to set a goal and work towards it, besides the common life milestone- college for instance. At the time I thought it was stupid, dumb, nonsense or was just passive to my Mom, “okay, sure, I’ll do that.” The idea was a monthly book to read or a set of miles to run every other day, something to add quality to my being, but honestly, I never paid mind to it again.

Fast forward. This week, the NOW. Another devastation in our country this week. Not by weather. “Another,” meaning too many actually. The news as of late is so common to be bad, negative and it seemingly transforms our moods as closely as uniting and/or dividing us. The word “massacre.” The angry hearts of guns, facts and opinions. Monday morning, my phone was binging at me before I even opened my eyes that day. My British friend was messaging me to “love our family & friends- x” and telling me the news in our country. Then, I didn’t want move from my bed. I didn’t want to see GMA, learn anything with my own eyes. I wanted to hide my daughters from it. The feelings, shared facts of then.. 50+dead, 500+ hurt. Sick feelings, sad feelings, thoughts of all those innocent hurt. The reflection of the world in our faces with either the photos constant, news, social media, we are all startled. Talking to a friend and agreeing it’s that sick feeling deep down, takes your breath away. It’s the wrenching helplessness of what can I do?

It brings back the shove my mother was trying to give me and I was stubborn to hear, but it’s right, and I hear the lesson loud and clear now- AND it’s right at any age. Personal goals, it’s a like a gift to give yourself but what if we turn it to, giving to others. We not only should “give” to food drives for Thanksgiving and during the holiday season, but give selfless often. Give selflessness more. Give now. The common or maybe not so common, donation of blood. Do you have an art to share? Can you donate time? Volunteer. Give your ear to even just listen to someone out of your comfort zone.

If you pray, pray again and again. If you love, love stronger. Be kind, give kindness away.  Anonymously pay it forward. Give something, somewhere, somehow. Move in giving love.

Amy Scott
Amy is on the great adventure of 40 and all that has come with it this year. From Atlantic City, NJ and raised in PA. She is venturing on life being unpredictable! She is one to find the positive. Adventurer and spontaneous travels are her thing. Fan of Alice in Wonderland, Will & Grace but first a mother. Writer. Photographer. One who is fierce, passionate and guilty of being a lover.

Paths of Change

There was about an hour to go, left of the gorgeous weekend. Well, that I had left to me, myself before my daughters came home from their dads. A September afternoon and the sun was a warm kiss. The temperature was 80 for sure and I was lost again.

I took us to a path we walked back in the beginning of our days, almost 10 years ago. We walked down the trail that embraced us. The colors said welcome. The crunch of leaves were music. The scene was as if the trees were hugging the trail. Change of season is just across the way. I was on this path, but my mind was somewhere else.

The conversation was simple. My hands busy with keys and cell phone. Of course, I stopped for a picture. Of course we walked that bridge. There were three boards new in the with the old.

This cold, I’ve felt before. He had said as we began to walk, “you seem troubled, still.” My body reacted, and I did not make a sound. I couldn’t. I was down. Be it my eyes, shoulders, it was as if I wasn’t even there. My mind kept saying I wanted to vomit. If I could throw up all the words, time & feelings to deal, would I? My favorite line from an old song was, “I’m half alive, but I feel mostly dead.” I was almost there.

Do the seasons feel like such? In between life and change of colors, falling to their nakedness before the cold? There is that vulnerability. When one undresses themselves completely and says, “Hi this is me,” scars and messy hair. I say each morning almost, “I worked hard on this look,” stoned face before the caffeine and hazelnut. I stare at this space just like it is 7am now, yet it’s really just before 10pm.

I recently reconnected with a friend who I met when I wore pig tails and rode my black hand me down bike with daily. We would be outside from 9am until the bats were flying through the dusk sky. We had to have been at least seven. Change of season, adult life and now her story. I admire her honesty so much because it’s shocking. Its truth wanted. It’s chaotic and hard. One of those places you want it to end and ease. She’d say, “I just want it over!” Wanting the choices and change in her face to become calm waters than the rough constant waves. She will not drown. She’ll get it, she’ll walk out of those waters with her head high and power. Can you relate?

This walk simply reminded me that life can truly be discouraging. There is a happier place making and enjoying life moments more. Not rushed, or stuffed with stress. It reminded me that it’s not worth the effort. Oh, and sleep and I should become friends again. It feels I haven’t slept since spring. Summers foolish games.

My walk on that Sunday, I was trying to get normal back, again. At least at this adult thing, I’m not a mess, I’m a pretty mess.

Oh and really, I’m NO mess at all, I’m simply just pretty.

Amy Scott
Amy is on the great adventure of 40 and all that has come with it this year. From Atlantic City, NJ and raised in PA. She is venturing on life being unpredictable! She is one to find the positive. Adventurer and spontaneous travels are her thing. Fan of Alice in Wonderland, Will & Grace but first a mother. Writer. Photographer. One who is fierce, passionate and guilty of being a lover.