5 tips for my next 26 years, that I wish I knew for my first 26 years.

5 tips for my next 26 years, that I wish I knew for my first 26 years:

Go First
Smile first. Say “Hi!” first. Be the first to introduce yourself at an event where you know nobody. Be the first to speak up for something you believe in. Go up to the person you’ve been staring at and be the first to ask a question. Whatever it is, go first. How many relationships have you passed up on? How many opportunities have you lost? How many memories have you not made because you were hesitant to go first and make your move?

If There’s Resistance, You Need To Do It
Ever heard of the compound effect? One small decision (or lack-thereof) will slooowly snowball into another, into another, and build upon the one before it. Well how many times have you been faced with a decision and there’s a part of you saying “YES, dooo it!” and there is another part that doesn’t say anything at first but just holds you back, kind of paralyzing you in your own thought.

I’m here to tell you that is a good sign! Whenever we are faced with something that will help us grow the most, it’s really fucking scary. Our body goes into a freeze-mode to protect us. Often times we give in to that feeling because we know, what we know, and that is safe for us. The next time you are feeling that, take a deep breath, count to 3 and do it anyways. You can thank me later.

No One Cares, Stop Judging
…not about you! But about the things that you are doing. People are so caught up in their own world of worries and to-dos that they aren’t paying attention to what you are doing. So go try new things and make a fool of yourself doing it. Stop judging yourself, stop judging other people. Judgments come from insecurities we feel within. The next time you find yourself judging- ask yourself “why?”.

Energy Is Everywhere, Use It Wisely
Everything is made of energy.  We are constantly submerged in our own energy, the energy of others, the energy of nature, everything.  What are you focusing your energy on?  If you are focusing your energy on everything that could go wrong or everything that you don’t have then you better believe that what you get and what you see will be everything that could go wrong and everything you don’t want.  Shift what you are focusing your energy on and notice how everything around you will start to shift as well.

Focus On Embracing The New, Not Changing The Old
This goes along with tip number 4.  If you are only focusing on changing old habits, what will be on your mind, thus forcing your energy to flow towards…. Old Habits.  What do you want in your life? What do you desire? A healthier lifestyle? Focus on eating one extra vegetable a day.  A salary raise? Focus on what you will have to do to get it. Whatever it is, focus on that!
If it doesn’t feel good, it isn’t good for you.

Say “Hi” first. Lean into resistance. Stop judging yourself and everyone around you; everyone is doing the best they can, and if they aren’t, help them.  Use your energy wisely.  Focus on creating the new, not avoiding the old.  It took me 26 years to figure these out.  Some it takes longer, some not.  However, my hope for you is that you reflect on what you have learned, take what serves you and run with it, take what hasn’t served you and throw it away.

Monique Hayes is a holistic health coach, Reiki practioner, bakeologist, and educator. After completing her MPH, she quit the corporate health world to pursue her own mission of helping people heal from the inside out. She loves working with people, helping them transform into the happiest and healthiest version of themselves. Healthy, delicious food, connecting with nature, understanding the wants and needs of your body, and being authentically you in an inauthentic world are extremely important to her.

Stop Living a Life in Fear

Many of us don’t realize how much our past is dictating our now and our future lives. We think we’re smart, using all of those hard-earned lessons we’ve learned to build a future that avoids the past mistakes pains that we’ve experienced. Little do we realize that holding onto past occurrences only recreates them in our now and future lives.

The ego is a part of us that protects us from being hurt. It holds onto what has happened in the past and uses the fear of being hurt in the future to reiterate the message: Watch out, it will happen again.
This belief alone is enough to keep you stuck. Oh, and does it work!

The fear of re-living a past pain keeps us from enjoying our present. Instead of opening ourselves up to new experiences and outcomes, we shell ourselves away, saturated with the fear that it will happen again- whatever it was.

Whatever our mind focuses on becomes what we experience; our expectations become our reality. In a sense, we find what our mind is looking for. If our ego is tying to protect us from being hurt again, we are focused on pain; we will find and experience the pain that we are so desperately trying to avoid.

Why? Because what we perceive is what is real to us.

Until we let go of our past completely, we will never be able to move on and create new experiences. The way to let go of the past completely is by surrendering our fears.

Letting go of past fears is hard. Having those fears have kept us safe for so long, they’ve protected us from experiencing the same pain. However, it is essential to let them go in order to create a new reality.

Think of fears that you hold onto. Now read on to see how to let go of those fears.

Notice when your fears are being triggered.

When you feel that your fear is being triggered, take a breath and acknowledge it. Think to yourself “Ok, this is happening again. I can feel it.” Separating yourself from your fear helps you realize that you are NOT your fear, that your fear is a passing thought or feeling. You are disengaging from your fear.

Get clear with your fear.

What happened and what is it that you are afraid of happening again? Is it rejection? Not feeling good enough? Getting taken advantage of? Name it and even better, write it down. Getting clear about what the fear is and calling it out brings it to your conscious state of mind. If a fear stays flying underneath the radar, it can manifest into other symptoms like illnesses, physical symptoms, depression, frustration, anxiety, and more.

Forgive

Forgiveness equals letting go. If you do not forgive, you, no one else, bears that stress in your heart. Forgiveness is being able to recognize that what happened was a mistake because you, the other person, or both, were acting out of a state of fear, and then willing to feel peace abut it and let it go.

Find peace within

It is your own, not any else’s responsibility for your happiness.  Once you stop focusing on your past fears, you can regain a sense of peace.

We rely heavily on the people in our lives to make us happier, and ideally, the people we surround ourselves with will lift us up and support us, however, their task is not our happiness.  Once we realize this, we can stop relying on others to feel safe.

Fear becomes present when we are focused on the past or stressing about the future. Once we become present with our thoughts and actions, the fear dissipates and we can reorient ourselves to recognizing that all is safe and well within and around us.

You are not your fears.  You have power over your fears.  You do not have to live your fears over and over again.
You can choose to create a different experience in this life.

 

Monique Hayes is a holistic health coach, Reiki practioner, bakeologist, and educator. After completing her MPH, she quit the corporate health world to pursue her own mission of helping people heal from the inside out. She loves working with people, helping them transform into the happiest and healthiest version of themselves. Healthy, delicious food, connecting with nature, understanding the wants and needs of your body, and being authentically you in an inauthentic world are extremely important to her.

For the health of it

Too busy, too tired, or too invested in other people’s lives. Today it seems harder than ever to take care of yourself. Amiright?

I often find myself working with people who have every reason memorized as to why they can’t take care of themselves. I get it, it’s easy to slack off on Monday, after a long weekend of studying, working two jobs, partying with friends, whatever it may be. However, slacking off on your health can become a habit pret-ty quickly. The couch starts to look more desirable than the gym, the ice cream sundae looks more palatable than the bowl of vegetables, but I ask you to ask yourselves “Why?”. Why do you let yourself slack when it comes to YOUR health? Why do you let other events/people/things come before YOUR health? And then, ask yourself “How?”. How do you feel when you reach for the remote over your running shoes? How does it feel when you please everyone else before pleasing yourself? How does it feel when you eat like shit for days and then try to concentrate at school or work?

Try this exercise: Visualize your health as a bank account with credits and debits that must be balanced at the end of each day. Think about some investments and withdrawals that you have made to your health bank account recently. Grab a pen and paper and make a statement chart of your “transactions” for one, whole, day this week.

Consider the following questions:
Is your health account’s balance positive or negative?
If you have a positive balance, which investments do you make regularly?
Do certain investments hold more value for you than others?
If you have a negative balance, which investments can you make in yourself today?

Taking care of yourself is hard. But I promise you, if you don’t put yourself first, and take care of yourself before everything else, you won’t be around to worry about taking care of everything else.

Monique Hayes is a holistic health coach, Reiki practioner, bakeologist, and educator. After completing her MPH, she quit the corporate health world to pursue her own mission of helping people heal from the inside out. She loves working with people, helping them transform into the happiest and healthiest version of themselves. Healthy, delicious food, connecting with nature, understanding the wants and needs of your body, and being authentically you in an inauthentic world are extremely important to her.

Limiting beliefs are not the real you.

Don’t feel like that. Don’t dwell. Don’t do that, do this. Don’t say that. You won’t make money doing that. You can’t do that. You really shouldn’t wear that…

Don’t, won’t, can’t, shouldn’t… AHHHH, it all sounded too familiar growing up. Parents, friends, frenemies, teachers, complete strangers, all giving me their opinion of how I should live my life. Don’t do this because it didn’t work out for them. I won’t make money doing that because they couldn’t make money on their own. Don’t say something because they didn’t like hearing it. I shouldn’t wear something because they didn’t like it.

For years, I listened to this. And growing up, I knew no better than to. I was scared of not going to college and not getting a good job, because then I wouldn’t have insurance, a retirement plan, etc. I went to college to get a degree because my dad said I wasn’t going to make any money cosmetology (what I wanted to do instead of college). The only jobs that were available when I graduated were ones paying $12.00/hour. I had to make money on the weekends… Doing hair. I started working in corporate wellness because it was a “good job with great benefits”. I quit because I was miserable and all I heard from the people closest to me is “Why would you do that? Don’t quit!”

Look, I get it. These people were looking out for me, giving me advice throughout my life. You know the one thing in common with all their “advice?” It was based on their belief system. Not mine. Their limiting beliefs that they have formed because of something that didn’t work out for them in their life. These beliefs weren’t mine. You see, we all form beliefs about ourselves, our world and others in our world. These beliefs start to form when we are young and may even stick with us throughout our life. The sad thing is that most limiting beliefs we have about ourselves, aren’t even ours! They were imposed upon us by our caretakers when we were young, and as we grow, we (unaware of the limiting beliefs we have) subconsciously put ourselves into situations that reaffirm these beliefs.

Ask yourselves these 2 questions:
1. Have you ever felt unloved, not good enough, undeserving, insecure, weak, too emotional, unsure, fearful, etc?
2. Have you ever heard a 2-year-old talk about how they weren’t good enough, were too tall, too fat, too skinny, too emotional, undeserving of love, too vulnerable?

I know most of you probably answered yes to the first question and I am also pretty certain that you answered NO to the second. We are not born thinking negative thoughts about ourselves. Our society plants these thoughts in our head and we believe them after years and years of reaffirming these through our relationships, endeavors, actions that we subconsciously seek out and do. Limiting beliefs are not the real you. The real you is the you underneath those beliefs. The one that knows that you were meant for something great. The one that knows the power that you are capable of. The one that isn’t scared to be vulnerable and isn’t scared to love. The one that says f*** it, let’s try this and see how it goes! That is the real you. Go with that version and drown out the limiting beliefs. I did; and two businesses, traveling to multiple countries and meeting thousands of people later, it has changed my life completely.

Monique Hayes is a holistic health coach, Reiki practioner, bakeologist, and educator. After completing her MPH, she quit the corporate health world to pursue her own mission of helping people heal from the inside out. She loves working with people, helping them transform into the happiest and healthiest version of themselves. Healthy, delicious food, connecting with nature, understanding the wants and needs of your body, and being authentically you in an inauthentic world are extremely important to her.