The Reality of Love

I have always wanted that “twilight, notebook, 50 shades” type of love. That passion, those butterflies, the happiness, the romance. It radiates off of the screen and you can feel it. You feel the tension before the kiss, you feel the sadness and pain when they break up, you feel the excitement and joy when they make up.The screen turns black and the lights turn on. Your fantasy is over and you return to the reality of what love really is.

Love is teamwork: Love is communication: Love is trust: Love is arguments: Love is jealousy: Love is anger.

Love is building a life together. You are supportive of each other. You do not knock each other, but build each other up. Love is building an empire from nothing and doing it as a team. You have the same goals, and you work towards them together. You encourage each other because it brings you joy to watch each other succeed.

Love is talking to each other and not talking at each other. Love is listening to the other person. You listen to their daily annoyances, their family drama, their work struggles, and all that other nonsense. You might not want to hear it, but you know your significant other needs to vent. Love is listening to why your partner is upset with you, and you making an attempt to see it through their eyes.

Love is trusting that you’re partner is doing the right thing when you aren’t looking. Love is not snooping through their phone or trying to catch them in a lie. Love is being able to go to sleep without heaitation knowing that you’re hunny will be out until 3 am.

Love is telling your partner that you are sick of telling them the same thing 100 F*cking times. That you hate how they leave their shoes in the doorway, how they make noodles, what kind of soap they buy. It is the smallest things that lead to that in public grocery store argument over what kind of ketchup to buy.

Love is wanting to punch that girl who just rubbed his arm and told him he’s cute. Love is knowing how incredible your significant other is, and knowing that other people want them too. Love is talking sh*t about that person who wants your babe,  just to make yourself feel better.

Love is so painful, so up and down, so strong. At times you get so angry with the other person. At times you think it shouldn’t have to be so hard. But you love them and it is supposed to be that hard.

It seems like cheating and divorce has become so easy and so acceptable. It is unfortunate that people are no longer willing to put in the time and effort to be together. People “fall in love” with one person to the next. That is not love. That is how convienient someone is for you at the time.

Love can have passion, butterflies, romance, and happiness, but that is not what keeps love going. Hard work is what keeps relationships going. Remembering why you love each other, how far you’ve come, how lost you’d be without them, that is how love stays alive. Love is the fight that you put into loving someone. Love is not a movie, that is not reality.

If you’re not willing to work at it, you’re with the wrong person.

Meghan Farr
Meghan has an Associates Degree in Human Services, Bachelor’s in Human Development and Family Studies, and a Minor in Psychology.

A Letter To My Father’s Donor

My heart felt like it was beating out of my chest when the doctor sat down and told my father he had 6 weeks left to live. As my sister sat there sobbing,  I turned my back and just kept telling myself to breathe. I gave my father a hug and I told him that there was still hope. He cried and just kept saying “What the F*ck did I do to myself?” I offered to donate a part of my liver. I would have done anything to keep him alive, but that wouldn’t be enough. The doctor told me he needed a complete donor liver. My father had been moved to the top of the list due to kidney and liver failure. There was no guarantee he would get a liver in time, but I refused to think in any negative way.

A couple of days later we received word that there was a liver. The fog was so bad that a helicopter was unable to deliver any organs and the doctor could not fly. The donor’s parents kept life support going just to hold their child’s liver for my father. A couple of days later, the liver and the doctor had arrived. My father called me at midnight to say he was going in for an 8 hour transplant. I didn’t sleep for a minute and waited for the doctor to call. At 9 am the phone rang. The doctor stated that my father gave him a run for his money, but he was stable now and doing well. I drove for 3 hours and as soon as i saw him open his eyes, I knew life would finally change.

To My Father’s Liver Donor,

My heart breaks for you and your family. You were kept alive for two days to save someone you didn’t even know. You didn’t just save a person. You saved a father, a grandfather, and you saved a family. The man you saved had demons that he didn’t have the strength to fight. Those demons caused him to lose a relationship with his children and his grandchildren. His demons ultimately lead him to the sentence “you have 6 weeks left to live.” This may sound horrible, but at that time, he had already been dead to us for years. We didn’t know who this man was. We mourned the loss of our father who was still alive, but YOU gave him back to us.

His recovery was a long and painful process. Three months of trying to walk, eat, taking medications, long trips every other week, the financial crisis, worrying about every lab number, and worrying about the future. He struggled and was negative. I was forced to watch him struggle and had to try to remain positive.

It is now 6 months later and tears are brought to my eyes from happiness. My father is healthy, he spends time with his children and his grandchildren, he laughs, he makes jokes, he is more positive than I can ever remember him being. You gave him a second chance to prove that he could be the man that I had missed for so long. You gave him back to his family. I never gave up hope, and now he does’nt either. You gave us a gift. You are his Angel. You are our Angel, and whoever you are, I love you.

Sincerely,

The Daughter of a Liver Recipient

 

Meghan Farr
Meghan has an Associates Degree in Human Services, Bachelor’s in Human Development and Family Studies, and a Minor in Psychology.

Her Worst Kept Secret


Every girl struggles with body weight and body image. Too tall and skinny, too short and fat, too pear shaped, too much like a stick figure. The list can go on and on. Weight and body image is a never ending and popular topic. Your body image is a major influence on your self esteem and can ultimately control your entire life. Which is what has happened to me.

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Meghan Farr
Meghan has an Associates Degree in Human Services, Bachelor’s in Human Development and Family Studies, and a Minor in Psychology.

The Mutual Breakup

I feel that a lot of people have horrible breakups and end up hating each other. That is what makes the break up easy.  That is what gives you the fire to keep going.  You feed off of that hate to comfort yourself.  But what happens when the break up is forced?

I recently separated from my ex after 10 years.  I always knew he was not big on marriage or kids.  As a female I thought “If he loves me enough,  he will want what I do”. This was one of the most painful lessons I have ever learned.

He had tried to talk himself into wanting kids.  He would say things like “Maybe we will name our kids so and so”. I also thought eventually he would propose.  Within the last year I accidentally became pregnant.  I could not be more excited.  I had a miscarriage before I had the chance to tell him. I was absolutely devastated.  When I finally found the strength to let him know what was happening,  he was completely unattached and was not supportive.  That was when I knew.

Months later the discussion had finally resurfaced and he admitted he never wanted kids and did not care to get married.  My heart was shattered into a million pieces.  I still believe he has no idea how those words took the breath right out of me.  The life that I envisioned was now a black future of emptiness.

I knew what I had to do.  I began searching for houses.  In the process, living together became painful. We laughed,  loved,  and argued.  Although I loved him,  I was unable to see my future the way he wanted me to.  So I bought a house.  We wanted to remain friends.  We did the best that we could,  but he made it seem so easy to dismiss me.  After weeks of not sleeping,  eating,  and feeling so empty. I cracked.  I knew I could not be his friend because I could not stand wondering if he said was with someone else.

I wish that I could hate him.  I wish that I could make this less painful.  Most of all,  I wish that he wanted what I did.  I wish he wanted to be with me enough to ask me to marry him.  I wish he dreamed about being with me for the rest of his life.

I had to make a decision that was right for me. He stood firm on his choice. I was left with two options. I could stay and secretly hope that he would cave and change his mind, or I could take control and leave to start a new journey. I have difficulty accepting that I cannot control others behaviors and thoughts. This has been something that I have struggled with my entire life. I had to learn that I can only change and control my own thoughts and actions. I took control of my life and traveled down a path that would lead me to my future goals, rather than feel imprisoned in a life I knew I didn’t want. I could not control our future as a couple, but I could control a future for myself.

Through all this pain,  I pick one thing to focus on each day that will make me happy. This is what barely gets me through. I know there is someone out there for me that can be everything I need him to be.

To all of those ladies out there who are going through a struggle.. Just keep going. Don’t give up because one day,  your time will come.  And you will know what being happy feels like.  One day it will be our day.  Until then,  do things to make yourself happy!

Meghan Farr
Meghan has an Associates Degree in Human Services, Bachelor’s in Human Development and Family Studies, and a Minor in Psychology.